


Skipped Pages in Overdue Books

by AlexaNDYE



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-04
Updated: 2021-01-12
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:47:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 27,835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27872529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlexaNDYE/pseuds/AlexaNDYE
Summary: Clarke Griffin and Lexa Woods were like two books; some of their pages were torn and some were bent at the edges.Chapters were left behind with pages omitted, but as they found comfort in each other, they realized the past could never be forgotten.
Relationships: Clarke Griffin/Lexa
Comments: 24
Kudos: 87





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All mistakes are mine.
> 
> This fic has been finished for a while, but I wanted to take my time in going over the rest of the chapters.  
> I'm hoping this fic will be at least five chapters; the number will be adjusted if needed.
> 
> As always, thank you for taking the time to read my fics!

Anya tilted her head back and watched from the couch as Lexa stirred a delicious pot of roast beef stew. The smell was amazing. Anya could individually smell carrots, potatoes, onions, and beef. She was practically drooling.

It was one of Lexa’s signature dishes, and she usually jumped for joy when she busted out the pot, but, alas, the food was not for her.

It was for Clarke.

Hours before, Raven was over at their place watching some television with Anya, and Lexa was in the room when she mentioned the lack of appearance from the blonde. Raven had explained that Clarke was working late for one of her younger patients that had recently gone into surgery.

Lexa made an effort to make Clarke some food since she knows Clarke rarely remembered to eat on time when she worked late.

So, Anya was quite disappointed and upset when Lexa told her to back away from the stove when she made a move towards it.

‘It’s for Clarke. If there’s some leftover, then you can have that,’ Lexa had told her sister, right before smacking away her hand.

Anya pouted at the sight of Lexa pouring the stew over a bed of rice that sat in a small green plastic container.

“And you’re giving her your Tupperware?” Anya clicked her tongue against the roof of her mouth and flashed a sly smirk. “Clarke is one lucky woman.”

Lexa rolled her eyes. “She works all these hours. You know how she is when she works late.”

“I think only you are privy to that information, Lex,” Anya replied. “I just hear it from you.”

Lexa glared at Anya, knowing full well what she was implying, and Anya flashed a wide shit-eating grin. Lexa rolled her eyes and grabbed a plastic bag that had been hanging off the side of the counter. She put the food in the plastic bag and grabbed her coat off the rack.

“I left some for you. It’s on the table.” Lexa shrugged on her jacket and grabbed her keys.

“Thank you, sis!” Anya yelled loudly with joy. “Tell Clarke I said hello!”

Lexa rolled her eyes at her sister and exited their apartment.

...

Ten minutes later, Lexa walked through the front doors of the hospital and approached the front counter. The receptionist immediately recognized the brunette and cheerfully waved at her. Before Lexa could talk, the receptionist instantly told her that she had already paged Clarke.

Lexa thanked her and found a seat in the waiting room. She eyed the magazines on the seat next to her and realized it was the same one from when she was last at the hospital. She wondered if it was an old copy that was never changed out, or if she just visited the hospital often enough to notice.

A couple of minutes later, a familiar blonde wearing a white coat and blue scrubs walked through the doors and began to look around the waiting room. Once her eyes landed on a specific brunette, she instantly broke out into a grin.

Lexa mimicked her smile and got up from her seat.

“Lexa,” Clarke murmured happily. “Hey.”

“Hi, Clarke,” Lexa replied stoically.

“What are you doing here?” Clarke asked. “A bit odd for you to visit on a Saturday night.”

Lexa presented the plastic bag to the blonde. Clarke eyed the bag suspiciously before taking it, not noticing their fingers press against each other. She unraveled the knot at the top and looked inside.

With eyes wide, she nearly shrieked. “Oh my god. Is this—?”

Lexa smiled and nodded. “Raven mentioned you were staying late tonight.”

“Lexa, you didn’t have to,” Clarke said before she stuffed her face in the bag and took a long sniff. “Dang… that smells really, really good.”

“No, I didn’t,” Lexa replied. “But, I wanted to. You always forget to eat.”

Clarke rolled her eyes. “I don’t  _ always _ forget.”

The receptionist chimed in, “Yes, she does.”

Clarke shot a look at Betty, the light brown haired Latino woman that was usually the receptionist during night shifts. Lexa chuckled to herself.

“There should be a napkin and fork in there, too.” Lexa leaned forward to make sure it was in the bag.

Clarke widened her smile. “Thanks, Lexa.”

“Of course.” Lexa looked around the waiting room and noticed people were patiently waiting for their name to be called. She looked back at Clarke. “I should probably let you go.”

Clarke nodded. “I should only be here for a few more hours.” She lifted the food. “And this is definitely a godsend at this hour.” She leaned towards the brunette and brought her in for a hug with one arm while the other carried the bag.

Lexa smiled into the hug and buried her face into the blonde’s neck, and then wrapped her arms around her.

As they pulled away, Clarke’s eyes sparkled as she flashed another beautiful smile. “Thank you.”

...

Clarke came home at 4 am that night.

She opened the door with a loud yawn and nearly threw her messenger bag to the side, so she could collapse on the couch.

The only thing stopping her from doing just that was the lump that was already on the couch.

She squinted as the darkness of the living room was covering the person. She instinctively thought it was Raven or Bellamy, but when she focused on the lump more, and her eyes finally adjusted to the darkened room, she saw a familiar brunette.

“Lexa?” Clarke called in a hushed tone.

Lexa was curled underneath a soft blue blanket in the corner of the L-shaped couch. The television was dimmed, but still on; it was sitting on the Netflix home screen with a large bald eagle spreading its wings.

A documentary.

While Clarke’s mind was hazy and sleep-deprived, she still chuckled.

It wasn’t odd for Lexa to be in her and Octavia’s apartment; she and Anya lived a couple of blocks away, and for some reason, it was unanimously decided that their couch was the comfiest.

Lexa was fast asleep and softly snoring.

Clarke smiled at the sight; it was rare for her to see such a softened expression on the brunette’s face. They’ve known each other since college, but Lexa was always logical and stoic. Hardened gazes and rational thinking was her forte.

Clarke gently shook the woman.

“Lexa,” she murmured.

After a couple more shakes, Lexa’s eyelids fluttered open. She squinted at the person in front of her.

“Clarke?”

“Hey, sleepyhead,” Clarke replied with a small smile. “Looks like someone had too much fun watching their documentaries.”

Lexa’s gaze fell on the television. It took her a few seconds to realize where she was. “Oh— shit.” She slowly got up from her relaxed position and then rubbed her eyes. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to fall asleep here.”

“It’s okay,” Clarke replied as she admired the sight of a sleepy Lexa.

“What time is it?” She asked. She looked around and specifically eyed the spot where Clarke was currently sitting. She could’ve sworn Octavia was watching tv with her.

“About ten past four.”

Lexa’s eyes widened. “AM?”

Clarke nodded.

“Did you just get back from the hospital?”

Clarke nodded again. She let out a small sigh, “Yeah. Thanks for the food. I’ll clean the container and give it back to you.”

Lexa shrugged. “I can take it back with me if you want.”

Clarke raised an eyebrow. “You’re going to walk back to your place at four in the morning?” Lexa shrugged. “You know you’re welcome to stay if you want.”

Lexa nodded. “I appreciate the offer, but I should really go.”

Clarke chuckled and got up from her spot. “Okay, suit yourself.”

Lexa watched Clarke walk towards the right hallway where her bedroom was. “Good night, Clarke.”

“Night, Lexa.”

Lexa shrugged on her jacket and took one final look in the direction of the blonde’s bedroom and then heard footsteps moving towards the bathroom. She smiled to herself and then let herself out through the front door.

If someone asked why she was at her apartment in the first place, she wouldn’t dare say it was to make sure the blonde got home safely; she would never admit that she was worried. Sure, she could’ve asked Clarke to text or call her when she got home, but seeing her physically was what put her mind at ease.

...

“Did you see Lexa when you got home?”

Clarke saw Octavia leaning against the threshold of her bedroom. “Yeah.”

“What time did you get home?”

“Four-ish.”

“Did she stay over?”

Clarke shook her head. “She walked home.”

“Wow, you made her do that?” Octavia teased with a small smirk.

“No, I told her she’s more than welcome to stay over, but she insisted on leaving.”

Octavia hummed thoughtfully and went back to her room, leaving Clarke to wonder why her roommate asked her such a question in the first place.

...

Raven let out a loud groan. “When will they get their shit together?”

Anya was lounging on the couch with a cup of hot chocolate in her hands. “You’re telling me. It’s like watching the slowest romcom known to man, minus the comedy and with very little romance. Just long distance stares and affectionate smiles.”

Raven crossed her arms over her chest. “She’s your sister.”

Anya glared at her. “So?”

“Can’t you… I don’t know… speed things up?”

Anya stared at her. “This is Lexa we’re talking about. You know she’s focused on the Bar exam and would rather throw herself out a window than feel the pain of being in a meaningful relationship again.”

Raven shook her head. “Clarke ain’t a walk in the park either.”

“If we’re talking about who would cave first, it would definitely be her.”

Raven raised an eyebrow at her. “The fuck? Clarke is buried deep in her work at the hospital. The last date she’s been on was over a year ago, and I rarely hear her talk about men  _ or  _ women.”

“Have you told her she needs to start dating?”

“I’ve mentioned it.”

“And?”

A disappointed look appeared on Raven’s face. “She shrugged and said ‘eh’ and then turned on Netflix.”

Anya laughed. “Sounds like Lexa.”

“Which is why they’re perfect for each other.”

“You try telling them that,” Anya murmured before taking a small sip of her drink. “It would be easier to just lock them in a room together and let them sort out their feelings.”

Raven huffed, “I mean, who cooks for someone because they’re working late? As if Lexa could be any more obvious.”

“You know what she said when I told her to ask Clarke out?” Anya asked with a sly smirk.

“What?” Raven stared at her in anticipation.

“She said Clarke was out of her league.”

Raven rolled her eyes and groaned loudly. “Has she never seen Clarke look at her?”

“I know, right?” Anya shook her head. “Odd how emotionally exhausting it is to become so caught up in my sister’s love life.”

Raven hummed to herself. They were watching HGTV on the television, and a couple with the lowest income jobs in the world just stated that their budget was two million dollars. Raven and Anya both rolled their eyes at the same time.

“What about you?” Raven asked.

Anya stared at her as if trying to pierce her with daggers. “What about me?” she asked sternly.

Raven shrugged. “Dating anyone?”

Anya let out a sarcastic laugh and replied, “We are not going there.”

“Why?” Raven asked with a short chuckle.

“Because, I’m perfectly capable of handling my own romantic life, and I don’t need help in that department.”

“Ah,” Raven said in wonder. “What’s her name?”

“ _ His _ name is Jay.”

“And?”

Anya sighed. “And Lexa hates him.” She took another sip of her hot chocolate.

Raven was curious. “Is that why you’ve never introduced him to us?”

Anya stared back at the television. “No. I haven’t introduced him to everyone, because I’m worried about what  _ you  _ will do to him.”

Raven let out a full laugh. “Why me?”

“We used to date, Raye. It’s something I’d expect from you.”

“Doesn’t mean we can’t be introducing our life’s prospects to each other.”

Anya raised her eyebrows and asked with a surprised and minorly disgusted tone, “Life prospects? What are you? Mature?”

Raven shot her a look. “Funny. Hey, I’m just thinking about the future.”

Anya raised her hand and pressed the back of it to Raven’s forehead. Raven caught it and yelped, “The fuck are you doing?”

“Checking if you’re sick. You’re not acting like yourself.”

With their hands holding each other, they both let out short laughs. Although they no longer dated, they still enjoyed each other’s company. Anya would never admit to Lexa that she missed the brunette, and Raven would never admit to anyone in the world that Anya was still the only woman that occupied her mind.

They were as stubborn as Clarke and Lexa.

...

“Move the fuck over, Griffin,” Octavia said as she plopped down on the couch. Clarke was talking to Lexa, who had resumed her normal spot at the corner of the L-shaped couch, and was now forcibly moving ever so closer to the stoic brunette.

Clarke scooted towards Lexa. “Hey!” she exclaimed. “O, there’s like ten feet of room over there.” She pointed to the spot to Octavia’s right, and then, suddenly, Raven and Anya occupied the spots.

“Not anymore,” Anya said, sitting down at the opposite side, nearest to the couch arm and the table that held the remote control.

Raven shoved Octavia to the left a bit. “Move over, will you, O?”

Octavia rolled her eyes and moved more towards Clarke, which made Clarke move more towards Lexa. Lexa was now narrowly squished between the side and corner of the couch and Clarke.

“Guys, there’s a whole other side of the couch over there,” Clarke said, gesturing towards the adjacent side.

Anya, Raven, and Octavia all looked at the other side and mixed in their shrugs and dismissive waves.

“No one sits over there,” Raven replied.

“Yeah, and it doesn’t have a good view of the television anyways,” Anya chimed in.

Clarke looked over at Lexa with a small frown and a softened and apologetic expression, “Sorry, I tried.”

Green eyes met blue.

“It’s okay. It’s comfy,” Lexa replied.

Clarke reached into the bowl that occupied Octavia’s lap and grabbed a handful of popcorn. She offered some to Lexa, who happily took it.

It was a rare Sunday night when all five of them weren’t working, and on those rare weekend nights, they occasionally got together to watch a movie. And, since Clarke and Octavia had the best coach in the world, they all convened at their place.

“Okay, what are we watching?” Anya asked. “And no fucking romcoms.”

Clarke whined, “What? C’mon. I totally wanted to watch The Princess and the Huntress. Rotten Tomatoes gave it a ninety-seven percent.”

Anya dismissed her idea with a flick of her wrist. “You can watch your gay romances in your own time, Griffin.”

“International?” Raven asked, looking around for approval, but she got none.

“Eh,” Octavia shrugged. “What about animated?”

Anya rolled her eyes. “Please, I came here to watch an adult film.”

“So, porn?” Raven asked with a chuckle.

Anya glared at her. “You know what I meant.”

While the three were bickering over what to watch, while also skimming through Netflix and Hulu, Clarke felt a weight on her shoulder. She looked over to her left and saw Lexa resting her cheek on her. The brunette stared seamlessly into space as various movies flickered across the television.

Clarke frowned; she knew Lexa had been increasing her studies since her Bar Exam was looming closer and closer. She was actually surprised Lexa didn’t skip movie night and instead opted for a study night.

“Tired?” Clarke asked curiously.

Lexa nodded without lifting her head. She enjoyed the comfort of the blonde next to her. There was always something about Clarke that calmed her down and made her feel ‘okay’. Although she still felt like she ran a marathon, she also felt at ease.

“How long did you study today?” Clarke asked quietly.

Lexa let out a small yawn; her arm brushed against Clarke’s. “I woke up early to study, and then went for a run, and then studied some more. This movie night is probably the only real break I’ll be getting all day.”

“You shouldn’t study so much.”

“If I don’t, then I’ll fail the exam.”

Clarke scoffed. “As if you’ve ever failed a test before.”

Lexa briefly looked up at Clarke. “I can’t tell if you’re making fun of me or not, and I’m too tired to fight you.” Her tone was monotonous but in a sleepy-sense.

Clarke laughed. “Maybe I should get all of my Lexa-frustrations out now, knowing full well you can’t do anything about it.”

Lexa growled sleepily and hummed lowly. “You’re terrible.”

Clarke laughed again, and as if on cue, Anya settled on an action movie.

“James Bond it is, you butt nuggets,” the brunette said.

“Fine,” Raven replied with an eye roll.

Lexa asked Clarke about her younger patient that went into surgery last week, as Raven mentioned, and the blonde told her she was doing okay. She continued to talk about how scared the little girl was, so she had to stay that later that night to make sure everything went as smoothly as possible. Lexa listened and nodded along, and replied when she gathered the words to.

Octavia looked over at the two and smiled to herself, right before she popped a few more blooming kernels into her mouth.

The opening scene blasted them with high octane energy and whipped around camera angles to stimulate excitement and action-packed moves, but Lexa’s eyes couldn’t stay open. Her eyes fluttered, first closing, and then jolting awake, and then repeating. She forced herself to be awake, and Clarke could feel it.

Lexa was still resting her head on the blonde’s shoulder when the tormenting cycle of staying awake and falling asleep began.

After multiple gun fires between the bad guys and the star of the movie and the rip of tires streaking across European pavement, Lexa felt a hand on her thigh.

It was Clarke’s.

It squeezed the spot ever so slightly; it was a comforting and soothing action. And Lexa knew what the blonde was trying to tell her. For a moment (a few seconds) she forgot about the ecstatic butterflies in her stomach and, instead, focused on what Clarke was trying to tell her.

_ It’s okay. _

As she stayed on her shoulder, Lexa’s eyes slowly fluttered to a close.

… 

“Ah, classic James Bond,” Raven said with a smirk. “Defeats the bad guy  _ and _ gets the girl.”

“Multiple girls,” Octavia chimed in with a smirk. The bowl on her lap was picked clean somewhere in the middle of the movie.

Anya sighed and got up from her spot on the couch. She stretched out her arms. “See, can’t go wrong with a classic,” she said to Raven, who shrugged in response. Her eyes drifted to the other end of the couch where Lexa was seated and noticed the brunette was fast asleep against Clarke’s shoulder.

“Did she seriously fall asleep with all that action and loud noises going on?” Anya asked curtly.

Raven and Octavia looked over at the other end of the couch. Clarke looked at them and smirked.

“She said she was tired.”

“I swear, she sleeps like a brick sometimes,” Anya murmured.

The elephant in the room wasn’t mentioned, but all three of them, Octavia, Raven, and Anya, looked at each other with telling glances.

Lexa’s head rested against Clarke’s shoulder; her right arm fell out of her lap and was positioned in the crevice created by her right leg and Clarke’s left. While she wasn’t drooling, she wasn’t exactly worried about the blonde’s personal space, which made the situation even softer.

Clarke’s hand fell on Lexa’s wrist and then gently prodded it. “Hey,” Clarke murmured, trying to wake her up. It didn’t work. She poked her again. “Lexa?”

Lexa murmured something in her sleep. It sounded like some related to her studies.

As a final blow, one that Clarke loved to do, she poked the brunette in the side, right below her ribs. Lexa jolted out of her sleep, lifting her head within mere seconds.

“Ahhhh,” she drew out longingly and frowned. “I hate it when you do that.”

“Morning,” Clarke replied with a chuckle.

Anya hid her smile. “Have a nice nap, sis?” 

Lexa blinked a few times and sighed at the loss of warmth that was at her side (Clarke had gotten up from her spot next to her to stretch).

Lexa rubbed her eyes twice. “You try studying for the Bar Exam, Anya.”

“Yes, yes, I know. It’s the hardest shit in the world. You’ve told me many times,” Any replied with a dismissed wave.

Lexa got up from the couch and began to fold the blanket that had occupied her lap for the duration of her time there. She draped it over the couch and right as she turned, she saw a patch of skin showing underneath Clarke’s shirt as she stretched from side to side.

She paused and stared with parted lips, and then moved on to chastise her sister.

“Only a small percentage of people pass, and I’m not about to let years of college and studying go to waste.”

“Yes, yes, but, you know you don’t  _ have _ to become a lawyer.”

Lexa glared at her sister, the kind of glare that could kill people inside and out, revive them, and then kill them again.

Anya put her hands up in surrender, “Forget I said anything.”

They all cleaned up the living room, making sure to look for any popcorn that might’ve spilled between the cushions or underneath the couch. Once everything was cleaned up, Anya and Lexa were on their way out.

They all said their good-byes, and Lexa might’ve hugged Clarke longer than usual.

Clarke reminded her to hydrate and take periodic breaks. Lexa nodded along, as if she hadn’t heard it before (Clarke tells her the same thing all the time).

Once the door closed, Octavia and Raven were staring at Clarke with hands on their hips and sporting wide grins.

Clarke stared at them blankly. “What?”

They both looked at each other. Octavia was the first to say something.

“So, you and Lexa, huh?”

Clarke groaned inwardly. “Oh, not this again.”

“What?” Octavia asked, keeping her smile. She followed Clarke into the kitchen, as did Raven. “You two seemed pretty cozy on the couch.”

Clarke hummed a short laugh, “First of all, you guys refused to move, so all of us were squished together. And Lexa was tired and fell asleep on my shoulder.”

Raven covered her smile because she knows Clarke would get pissed at her.

Octavia raised an eyebrow. “You didn’t shove her off.”

“Of course not, she’s one of my best friends. I’d let you guys sleep on my shoulder.”

They both cooed with aw’s and looked at each other with suppressed affectionate smiles. Clarke rolled her eyes at them.

“So, how come you haven’t asked her out?” Raven asked.

Clarke finished washing the popcorn bowl and put it on the drying rack. She was stalling, because she didn’t have a proper excuse, especially one that would throw her two friends off her ass.

“Because… she’s-she’s Lexa,” she stammered.  _ Probably not the best way to win an argument, Griffin. _

“That doesn’t explain anything, Clarke,” Octavia replied. “You’re going to have to give us a better reason than that.”

“Because she’s a good friend, and she’s clearly occupied with the Bar Exam. And I’m in no better shape to be looking for a relationship. We’ve all seen how good I am at that with the hospital and everything,” Clarke explained. “And why are you guys being so pushy about it anyway?”

Raven and Octavia exchanged looks. Clarke being defensive was definitely a negative hit in efforts to sway the conversation.

“Because we want the both of you to be happy,” Raven replied.

Clarke raised her eyebrows in astonishment. “And seeing us happy clearly means we should start dating, according to your logic.”

Octavia hummed pleasantly at her reply. “I can see Lexa is rubbing off on you,” she teased.

Clarke rolled her eyes again and walked out of the kitchen. “Whatever, I need to get ready for bed since I have work in the morning. Good night, you idiots!” she yelled as she walked further down the hallway, towards her bedroom.

Once the blonde was out of sight and earshot, Raven turned to Octavia with widened eyes in frustration.

Octavia shrugged. “We tried.”

“No, we didn’t.”

“Raven,” she hissed through a whisper. “If Clarke doesn’t want to date Lexa, we shouldn’t push her.”

“She didn’t say that. She didn’t even give a good reason why she shouldn’t. She was diverting the entire time.” Raven followed Octavia to the pantry and then back to the living room.

“Raven, they’re both adults. If they want to tiptoe around each other, just let them.”

Raven crossed her arms over her chest. “So, it’s not bothering you? Seeing them close and dangerously close to flirty doesn’t make you angry?”

Octavia narrowed her eyes at Raven. “All I’m saying is that they’ll come to their own conclusions. There comes a time and a place when it’s practically our jobs to intervene, but I don’t think that time is now. Besides, shouldn’t you worry about your own love life? I heard Anya broke up with her boyfriend.”

Raven’s eyes nervously shifted to Octavia. “Who told you that?”

“Anya. She was over here a couple of days ago.”

Raven sighed and looked down at the floor. “Of course she’d tell you and not me.”

“Don’t be a rebound.”

“I wasn’t planning to,” Raven replied curtly.

“Give her some room.”

“I have.”

“Give Lexa and Clarke some room too, won’t you?”

Raven groaned. “I swear. You and Lincoln are the only sane couple I know.” Octavia smiled at the thought and shrugged.

… 

Lexa exited her apartment silently. She stared at the door with her keys in her hand. Her mind was elsewhere as she was about to lock up. Her thin blue jacket was loosely wrapped around her small frame.

She closed her eyes in frustration and gently pressed her forehead against the door. She was on the verge of crying.

She sniffed a couple of times and finally inserted her key to lock up.

She walked down the steps, down the hallway, and rushed outside the door. She looked at the mild foot traffic on the sidewalks and zipped up her jacket to embody some sort of secluded expression. She stood there, absentmindedly, and then realized that she didn’t know where to go.

She looked to her left, and then to her right, and despite wanting to get some fresh air, she just couldn’t bring herself to walk in a direction. But, she needed somewhere to go.

She could go to the park, or walk a few blocks to the museum, or go somewhere that wasn’t loud. She leaned against the railing and looked up at the gray clouded sky.

Her knuckles turned white against the railing that she was now holding onto.

“Fuck,” she muttered angrily, mixed with sadness. She shook her head and hastily walked.

She didn’t care where she was going. She didn’t care what direction. She just had to get away.

She passed a park, a playground littered with small children, playing and happily crying with excitement, and doting parents, and then she passed a couple of gyms. She passed the gym she sometimes went to, and then she passed one of her favorite Chinese takeout restaurants.

She thought of drowning her sorrows in food but ultimately kept walking.

She blinked once, and then twice.

She was in front of a door.

Why?

She couldn’t think of the reason.

She brought her hand up and lightly knocked. After a few seconds, it opened, and Clarke’s blue eyes met her green ones.

“Lexa,” she said cheerfully. “Hey.”

She forced a smile. “Hi, Clarke.”

“Here to resume your position on the couch?” she asked, opening the door wider for her to walk through. “I was actually just watching a documentary about this serial killer. I know, I know - don’t give me shit for it, but after the last one we saw, I kept getting Netflix recommendations.” She walked into the kitchen, expecting the brunette to follow, but she didn’t.

Lexa closed the door behind her and leaned against the wall. She felt out of place as if her thoughts clouded her judgment. She solemnly looked at the tv and then at the couch, but she didn’t move.

She didn’t feel like she was good enough to be there with Clarke. She felt dejected and self-conscious.

Clarke came out of the kitchen with a bowl of popcorn. “So, this guy found his wife dead in the house. The kids are nowhere to be found. The only leads the police have are the neighbors, the husband, obviously, and the woman’s affair from a year prior.” She popped a kernel in her mouth and looked up, expecting Lexa’s face to be lit up with interest, but it was the exact opposite.

Lexa looked small against the wall; her shoes were still on, and she didn’t unravel her arms from around herself. Her frown was prominent, as were her red eyes.

“Lexa?” Clarke called softly. She ditched the bowl of popcorn, placing it on the side table where the remote was, and hastily walked over to the brunette.

Lexa couldn’t bring herself to look at Clarke, and Clarke noticed immediately.

Worry sat at the bottom of her stomach. “You okay?”

Lexa shook her head.

“What’s wrong?” Her hands moved to the brunette’s arms and gently rubbed in effort to soothe the woman’s emotions.

Lexa’s hair was let down, framing her face, but also hiding it. She felt ashamed.

“Lexa…”

“I failed,” she murmured.

“You failed?” Clarke asked, confused. “Your exam isn’t until next week, though.”

She shook her head. It took a few seconds for her to reiterate her words. “I took a mock test. And I failed it,” she replied shakily.

“When, just now?”

Lexa shrugged. She didn’t know the time. She didn’t know how long she walked. “About an hour ago, maybe.”

“Lexa, it wasn’t the real thing,” Clarke tried to tell her.

Lexa shook her head in disbelief. “It was a fucking mock trial, Clarke. And I failed it. All that studying, and for what? To fail a test that’s supposed to help gauge where I am with the real one that’s only a few days away?” She grounded out angrily. A lone tear fell down her cheek, and Clarke furrowed her eyebrows in worry.

She had known Lexa as a perfectionist. Throughout college and law school, she studied her ass off, got perfect grades, and was known to be a prime example of a true academic student.

Lexa always had answers, and if she didn’t, she would work twice as hard to fill in the gaps.

Lexa had been there for Clarke when she was struggling during her exams in med school, and Lexa was always a step above her when it came to studying techniques and retaining information.

There were times when Clarke joked that Lexa could take her exams and pass with flying colors.

It was odd and heart wrenching to see Lexa in such a stressed and unorthodox state. Clarke felt bad; the defensive walls she built all those years, even after Costia, were now crumbling right in front of her.

“Hey,” Clarke whispered. “Lexa…” she lifted the brunette’s chin up with her finger, begging her to follow. Clarke was surprised she did and without any resistance.

Clarke’s softened blue eyes met Lexa’s strained and pleading green ones.

“It was just a mock test, Lexa.”

“But--”

Clarke interjected. “--And it will always be just that.” Lexa stayed quiet as the blonde continued. “So what if you failed the mock test? It’s old information and does not reflect the actual test.” Clarke began to smile. “And unlike your perfect ass, the lot of us have gone through failure a bunch of times.” That made Lexa flash a small smile, but a small smile was better than no smile. “We learn from our mistakes and make sure it doesn’t happen again. That’s what life and being human is all about.” Lexa nodded. “You’re really fucking smart, and I know you’ll kick this exam’s ass next week. So, I think the best thing you can do right now is to go over your answers and find out what went wrong. And if you want, I can even help you, okay?”

Clarke didn’t realize that her hands were no longer on the brunette’s shoulders. Lexa didn’t realize it either.

Her hands were resting on Lexa’s waist, holding her in place. It was a comforting gesture, but neither would admit beyond that.

Would friends do that? Maybe, but, even they knew they weren’t just friends.

Lexa finally smiled, and it wasn’t small or brief. It was a genuine grin, and seeing it appear on her face made Clarke smile back.

“Thank you, Clarke.”

“Of course, Lexa.” She wrapped her arms around the brunette’s neck and held her. Lexa responded as she always did and wrapped her arms around Clarke’s waist. They both held each other and buried their faces further into the other person’s neck.

Clarke’s scent, while natural and never overpowering, made Lexa feel a bit dizzy, and as they pulled away, all she could focus on was how moist and shiny her lips were.

Green eyes stared, never realizing that a pair of blue eyes were doing the same thing.

With their faces within inches of each other, Clarke’s sudden ideas pulled her back to reality.

“Oh!” Clarke exclaimed, making Lexa’s eyes shoot up at the sudden noise.

Lexa watched Clarke reach for her jacket on the coat rack and then watched her shrug it on. She followed the blonde with her eyes as confusion became more and more apparent.

Clarke grabbed her keys off the little dish opposite of Lexa and shoved them in her pockets. “C’mon,” she said, opening the door.

Lexa furrowed her eyebrows. “Where are we going?”

“Mm, nope!”

“Clarke, just tell me.”

“No way. It’s a surprise.”

Clarke walked out the front door, and Lexa was forced to follow, no thanks to her curiosity.

… 

“Do you remember when you took me here during my med school exams?” Clarke asked.

Lexa nodded and smiled. “Yeah.”

Clarke thanked the man and reached up to grab both of the ice cream cones. They were at a nearby park where various food trucks and vendors regularly visited in hopes of attracting hungry stomachs.

“After five hours of non-stop studying and stressing out, you took me here and told me I needed to ‘chill the fuck out’. And then you handed me one of these.”

Clarke passed one of the ice cream cones to Lexa, and Lexa flashed a toothy grin. Her gaze was as endearing as the gesture in front of her. She took the cone, letting their fingers touch and linger.

Softly, she replied, “Thank you, Clarke.”

… 

Clarke spent a few hours the night after going over the mock test with Lexa. While she helped the brunette challenge herself with questions and think about why she got it wrong, Clarke had no idea what Lexa was saying.

The law talk, self-questioning through mumbles, and spontaneous lightbulb ideas made Clarke feel amazed with Lexa’s intellect. She didn’t understand a single phrase or word that the brunette had said out loud. Hell, even some of the Latin phrases she had to read out loud made her stutter. Lexa, while forgiving and also impatient, finished most of the phrases before Clarke could finish.

At the end of the night, Clarke laughed as Lexa thanked her for helping her study.

“I didn’t do a damn thing, Lexa,” she said through giggles. “I don’t even know what the hell I’m saying when I’m reading the answers.”

“I’m grateful for your time, Clarke. Not knowing the answers doesn’t mean you didn’t help. The fact that you took the time out of your busy schedule to help me go over the test was more help than I could ask for.”

“Anything for you,” Clarke said in passing, but deep down, it made Lexa’s heart start to thump loudly in her chest.

… 

“Fuck you, give me the remote,” Clarke said, reaching over Octavia to grab the remote from Raven. As it disappeared from Raven’s hands, Raven looked over at Anya blankly.

“You’re just going to let it happen?” She asked.

Anya shrugged. “As long as Griffin doesn’t choose some gay drama. I already have enough of that in my life.”

“Actually, I was hoping Lexa would choose tonight.” Clarke handed the remote to Lexa, who was sitting snugly at the corner of the couch on her left. She made a face that made it seem the remote was some foreign object.

“Why me?” she asked.

Clarke’s smile became prominent. “Because, you just finished your exam, but you don’t want to party and celebrate until you puke your guts out, so this’ll be our version of a celebration.” And then she added, “And honestly, I don’t want to see another James Bond movie.”

“Rude,” Anya murmured.

Lexa’s smile widened at Clarke’s words. “Okay, then we’re watching The Princess and The Huntress.”

Anya groaned inwardly, “Really, Lexa? A gay drama?”

Lexa glared daggers at her sister. “It’s my celebration, Anya, and I can choose whatever I want. And the Bar Exam did a number on my brain. I can barely think right now, which is why we’re watching  _ this _ and not one of your crazy, complex movies, like Inception or Interstellar.”

Anya rolled her eyes. “Fine.”

Raven leaned back. “Hey, O, I think this might be a good time to eat that rainbow popcorn we’ve been saving!”

“I’ll get both!” Octavia called out from the kitchen.

As the action-packed opening scene through the dense, forest area started playing, a bowl of popcorn was placed in between Clarke, and the other one was placed on Raven’s lap.

“You okay?” Clarke asked in hushed whispers.

Lexa looked to her right. Even when the lights were turned off and the only lumination was the television, she could see Clarke’s ocean blue eyes, clear as day. Her lips parted as her tired, mesmerized, and emerald green eyes focused on Clarke’s.

Lexa nodded; her smile was subtle, but she was practically smiling with her eyes.

“I am now.”

“Good. I hope you’re planning to sleep in tomorrow,” Clarke said, knowing full well how early the brunette wakes up to study, and how late she stays up before she falls asleep.

Lexa shook her head slightly. “I have job hunting to do.”

Clarke shot her a look. “And that can’t wait until next week?”

“I’m afraid not. I have to prepare and make sure I get the necessary experience before—“

“Lexa,” Clarke interjected. Her eyes, while hardened and icy, now shifted to the television. “Enjoy the moment, will you? Take a day off. Enjoy… the joys of completing the exam.” She paused and thoughtfully added, “Doctor’s orders.”

Lexa’s smile deepened before her expression became stoic once more. “Yes, Clarke.”

A few more minutes into the movie, Clarke’s hand fell on Lexa’s thigh and Lexa promptly rested her head on Clarke’s shoulders. Both would agree that they were comforting gestures and not at all implicating anything else.

Octavia, Raven, and Anya noticed, and they all ranted about it over texts thereafter. They didn’t confront Lexa or Clarke about it, because they knew they’d deny anything about it.

… 

Clarke walked faster to the door as the knocking became more rapid.

When she opened the door, Lexa flew through it like a hawk swooping down on its prey.

Clarke’s eyes widened as the brunette paced the living room in a panic.

“Hello to you too, Lexa,” she said before closing the front door. She smirked at the woman, enjoying the panicked look on her face. “Everything okay?”

“No,” Lexa replied hastily. Her brows were furrowed and the deepening creases on her forehead were worrying. “Everything is not alright, Clarke.”

Clarke blinked, her smile now disappearing. “Oh, okay. Uh, what’s wrong, what happened?” She approached the brunette and as if on cue, an envelope was shoved in her face. Clarke took it with a puzzled look and flipped it over. “What is this?” she asked, not recognizing the return address.

Lexa stared at it as if touching it would burn her. “My Bar Exam results.”

Clarke’s smile grew. “What—Why are you giving this to me? Shouldn’t you be the one to open it?” She could see the sheer panic in Lexa’s eyes.

Lexa shook her head and then shrugged. “I’m—I don’t know. I’ve been staring at the damn thing for three hours.”

“And the first thing you thought of was to bring it here?” Clarke asked with a light chuckle.

Lexa stood still, staring, unsure what to say.  _ You’re the only one I trust. You’re the only one I thought of, Clarke. _ “I didn’t know where else to take it,” she said, finally. Her eyes darted between the unopened envelope and the blonde.

“What do you want me to do with it?”

Lexa brought her hand to her forehead. “Either I passed and can go into the interview with confidence, or I failed and I have to refuse the interview and get a retail job and study some more and redo the exam and—“

“Lexa,” Clarke interjected. It’s become apparent how much of a comfort those blue eyes were to her. “I’m sure you passed.” Lexa let out a lengthy and stressful sigh. “Do you want me to open it?”

She nodded.

“Are you sure you don’t want to open it?”

She shook her head.

“Okay…” Clarke put her finger underneath the flap and ripped through it until it was open. She pulled out the tri-folded piece of paper and undid it. She read through the first sentence through mumbles, stating Lexa’s full name as ‘Alexandria Woods’.

Lexa watched Clarke’s expression, making sure to read it carefully and pick up on any cues that might give her a hint to the mail’s contents.

Clarke’s brows furrowed and then her eyes widened. “Oh shit.”

“What?” Lexa asked with a hurried breath.

Lexa saw Clarke’s eyes soften; the blonde’s frown was subtle, but it was there.

“Lexa…”

“Fuck,” Lexa swore sharply, taking the paper from the blonde and resting her forehead in her hand in shame. Her eyes started at the top, quickly darting back and forth at the words and picking out only the key components. Her gaze stilled. “Holy fuck.”

Clarke’s frown turned into a blissful and wide grin.

“I passed,” Lexa whispered. And then louder, she repeated, “I passed.”

“Yes, you idiot, you passed,” Clarke laughed. “You got the top score in the entire fucking state, you absolute dumbass. And you thought you’d fail.”

Surprised and shocked green eyes met blue. Her look of astonishment grew into a wide and bright smile.

“I passed. Oh my god, I…”

Clarke pulled her into a hug. “Congratulations, Lexa.”

Lexa enveloped her slowly, still trying to process the news. When Clarke pulled away, the blonde talked about calling Anya, Octavia, Raven, Lincoln, and her mom. She started talking about a party and inviting Indra, one of Lexa’s favorite professors and a personal mentor, and then there were debates about what food to offer and when to host it.

Lexa didn’t hear any of it. While her eyes were fixed on Clarke, her mind was elsewhere. All she could see were the times when she studied her ass off and used their movie sessions as breaks. She saw Clarke’s hand fall on her thigh, rubbing slow, comforting circles into her skin. She saw herself fall asleep on Clarke’s shoulder, and then she saw Clarke comforting her with her hands on her waist, telling her to pay no attention to the results of her mock test. She saw Clarke falling asleep next to her as they went through the answers to the mock test. And then she saw Clarke’s smile as she passed her an ice cream cone.

All she saw was Clarke.

As all of her worries, frustrations, and stress disappeared from her body, her ability to think straight also fled. Her restraints were now broken.

Lexa took a small step forward and met Clarke’s lips with her own. Clarke, confused and caught a little off guard, let the first kiss happen, and then the second was Clarke’s response. The third was them, meeting each other in the middle, and so was the fourth and fifth.

Lexa pulled away, ever so slightly, and gently rubbed their noses together, before meeting her once more. With one hand on the blonde’s hip and one on her cheek, she kissed her again and again. Comforting sighs and affirmations of their actions filled the room. The problem of depleting oxygen was their own downfall.

When Lexa pulled away, she studied Clarke’s face, looking for a sign that maybe - just maybe - her actions weren’t well-received, but Clarke’s hand met Lexa’s that was still holding her cheek, and her prominent, yet small, smile was all the confirmation she needed.

“Guess that was a little overdue, huh?” Clarke asked quietly and softly.

Lexa’s gaze was focused on the blonde’s lips. “Perhaps.” Her smile widened as she leaned in again to capture her lips. Clarke smiled into the kiss and pressed their bodies together, holding her with her arm around her waist.

The piece of paper was somewhere on the floor, forgotten for the time being.

The door opened and Octavia, who had just gotten back from a run, started to walk in with earbuds still in. Music pounded in her head as she nodded to the energetic beat.

Her eyes met a flash of black and then she stilled her movements. In front of her was Clarke, wearing an oversized white band t-shirt, perched on top of the back of the couch, and Lexa, wearing a thin black jacket, was standing between her legs and smiling against a pair of lips opposite of her.

Octavia’s eyes widened. She slowly backed out of the doorway and closed the door behind her. “Guess I could use another run,” she muttered to herself as she headed back down the street.

… 

“It was twenty,” Anya said, passing down a twenty-dollar bill.

“We doubled it, remember?” Raven asked, handing over two twenty-dollar bills.

Octavia rolled her eyes and glared at Clarke and Lexa. “You guys couldn’t wait one more day?”

Lincoln smirked as he started thumbing through the twenties that kept on coming. “Don’t blame them. Blame yourself for thinking you’d win the bet.”

Octavia glared at Lincoln. “You’d better take me somewhere nice with that money.”

“Oh, definitely,” Lincoln replied with a smirk. “Thanks, Lex!”

Lexa rolled her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest. “I can’t believe my own brother bet on us. I mean, Anya, I can believe, but Lincoln?” She shook her head in disappointment.

Clarke shrugged. “Kind of saw it coming.” She began to rub small circles into Lexa’s lower back, and Lexa, in response, leaned towards the blonde. She felt a pair of lips press against her cheek, and she couldn’t help break into a grin.

She threaded her fingers through Clarke’s as they joined the rest of the group in the living room.

“Okay, okay, collect your winnings. Let’s hurry up and watch some TV. I’m dying to know what happened to the man with the snake tattoo on his arm,” Clarke said as she and Lexa sat down at their usual places on the couch.

This time, Octavia and Lincoln sat on the adjacent end of the couch, giving everyone else enough room on the other side, but Clarke and Lexa kept their closeness.

“I bet he was murdered by the mob boss,” Raven said as she held the bowl of popcorn on her lap.

“As if, the mob boss had an alibi,” Anya replied.

Lincoln disagreed, “The FBI didn’t say if it was credible.”

Clarke leaned closer to Lexa. “This is completely your fault.”

Lexa smirked. “It’s a lot better than Anya’s choices.”

Clarke had to agree with her.

As the serial killer murder mystery documentary continued, Lexa’s head found Clarke’s shoulder and Clarke’s hand found Lexa’s thigh. As the blonde’s thumb rubbed small circles into soft skin, Lexa’s smile grew. She kissed Clarke’s shoulder and then felt a pair of lips kiss the side of her head.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa revisit the past, a chapter in their college life that was mostly thought to be forgotten.  
> In turn, Clarke's old roommate, who also happened to be Lexa's ex-girlfriend, is mentioned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so the drama and angst begins.
> 
> Thank you to everyone that gave kudos and wrote comments!  
> And thank you for reading! :)

Clarke and Lexa fell into place quite easily, and despite everyone’s worry, the new couple slipped in and out of everyone’s vision seamlessly; their efforts of PDA were often small and quick. Clarke would give Lexa a quick kiss on the cheek, or rest her hand on her lower back and rub small and comforting circles. Lexa was a little shyer, but nonetheless showered Clarke with kisses on her shoulder, cheek, back of her neck, and collar (and only when she thought their friends wouldn’t be looking).

The two spent nights in each other’s bed and sometimes without needing to ask the question. No one batted an eye when Lexa popped up in Octavia and Clarke’s kitchen in the morning, and Anya didn’t tease Clarke for making a pot of coffee in the morning before she left for work.

...

“Clarke!” Octavia yelled. The door swung open without so much as a knock. What she saw didn’t surprise her: Clarke and Lexa were staring right at her, probably previously engaged in some pillow talk. What made her smirk was that both of them were still clothed. If she were to be honest, the lack of clothing between the two of them was the only thing that was surprising.

“What the fuck, O?” Clarke complained, wrapping her arm securely around Lexa’s waist in an effort to shield them both.

“I’m going out to the grocery store and I know you need to buy shit, so I thought it would be nice of me to ask you if you’d like to tag along.” She paused and cheerfully added, “You can bring Lexa, too.”

Clarke sighed and glared at her roommate. “And you couldn’t have asked through a text?”

Octavia shrugged. “If I texted and you happened to be asleep, I’d never hear the end of it.”

Clarke stared blankly at her. “Fair enough.” She turned to Lexa. “Did you want to join us?”

“Sure,” Lexa replied sheepishly.

Clarke waved dismissively at Octavia. “Give us a few minutes to change.”

Octavia raised an eyebrow. “Because you two are  _ soooo _ naked underneath the sheets and not at all going at it like rabbits,” she replied sarcastically and then rolled her eyes.

Lexa hid her face and Clarke threw her head back, groaning. “O, will you just—“

“Okay, okay!”

The door closed.

Clarke sighed and pressed a soft kiss to Lexa’s neck. “Sorry about that.”

Lexa shook her head. “It’s fine. I’d rather it be her than Anya.”

Clarke began to smirk. “At least she didn’t catch us in the middle of it.”

Lexa hid her smile. “You’re very skilled with your fingers.” Clarke stared at her with raised eyebrows. “And your mouth.” Clarke donned a shit-eating grin. “I should stop encouraging you.”

Clarke pressed another few kisses against Lexa’s exposed neck. “You sure?”

Lexa closed her eyes as a low moan slipped from her lips. “Not anymore.” She felt a thumb press gently into her ribs, and then felt it slip down further, fluttering around the area of her waistband. Before Clarke’s hand could go any further, a sharp knock sounded at the bedroom door.

“Are you guys done changing yet?” Octavia yelled out.

Clarke groaned again. Lexa murmured a whine when Clarke’s hand slipped away from her stomach entirely. “Sorry, Babe.” While it was rare, Lexa did love it when Clarke called her ‘Babe’. She also loved it when Clarke’s hand would slip around her waist in passing, and also, when she felt Clarke’s lips pressed against her neck and then hearing a small giggle whenever she would kiss her back.

Lexa wasn’t usually affectionate in public, and if she decided to be, she’d do it passively and subtly, but she found herself blurring the lines whenever she was around the blonde.

… 

“So, how are things between Raven and Anya?” Clarke asked as she and Lexa browsed the produce aisles at the grocery store.

Lexa sighed and shrugged. “Anya doesn’t like to talk about it.”

“Not even to her own sister?”

Lexa shook her head. “She was always engrossed in my romantic life. It’s not fair for me to be able to not do the same.”

Clarke smirked at that.

Lexa continued, “What about Raven?”

“I’ve asked her in passing, here and there, and every single time, she replies in code or something cryptic, so…” Clarke shrugged. “...I have no idea.”

Lexa bagged a few apples and placed them in their cart. “Do you think they’ll get back together?”

Clarke shrugged. “Not sure.”

“Well, if there’s one thing to note, it’s that Anya’s personality shifts with the people she dates, but she doesn’t do the same with Raven.”

Clarke raised an eyebrow. “You mean Jay?”

Lexa rolled her eyes. “I didn’t like him, and yes, Anya certainly didn’t act herself when she brought him over.” Her lips twitched and Clarke caught it, which only made her smirk. “She didn’t say why she broke up with him though.”

“Well,” Clarke hummed. “Maybe it’s a good thing she’s not telling you about all this stuff.” Lexa raised an eyebrow to question her girlfriend. “Maybe she’s trying to figure stuff out for herself.”

“Maybe,” Lexa replied thoughtfully. “She never let me figure stuff out for myself. She always asked about you, hoping I’d tell her something new.”

Clarke chuckled. “Like what?”

Lexa paused and shook her head; she immediately double-backed when she realized she was about to dig herself a bigger hole. “No. Nevermind. I didn’t say anything.”

Clarke laughed. “What? Why?” She could see Lexa’s cheeks start to redden. She didn’t answer. “Lexa…”

“Maybe another time.”

Clarke frowned.

Octavia came at the perfect moment (for Lexa, at least). She piled on a couple boxes of pizza, some bags of chicken breast, and some sauces and spices. She looked between Lexa and Clarke, and noticed their timed silence.

“Okay, c’mon, just because you two finally got together doesn’t mean you can suddenly keep your own hush hush secrets,” Octavia said with an exasperated sigh.

“We were just talking about Raven and Anya,” Clarke replied, still staring at Lexa.

“What about them?” Octavia asked curiously. “Trying to play matchmaker?”

Clarke rolled her eyes at the word. “More like re-matchmaker at this point.”

Lexa wondered what kind of questions Octavia and Raven have asked Clarke regarding her and Clarke’s friendship slash relationship. If Anya asked her questions, then it was almost a given that Octavia and Raven would do the same. The three of them seemed to always confide in each other anyways.

Lexa changed the subject. “Octavia, have you ever asked Clarke about me before we started dating?”

Clarke shot Lexa a look. It was too late to voice her complaints.

Octavia smirked and replied, as if it were obvious, “Yeah, of course.”

“O!” Clarke warned her with a hiss.

“What did you ask her?” Lexa curiously asked.

Octavia looked at Clarke’s obvious glaring and then looked at Lexa.

… 

Of all the things Octavia could’ve told Lexa, she ended up saying the one thing Clarke didn’t want her girlfriend to hear.

“Because I’m Lexa?” Lexa asked Clarke once they got back to Clarke’s apartment. She wasn’t upset; if anything, she was incredibly curious.

Clarke rolled her eyes in embarrassment, “Please don’t.”

“I’m not,” Lexa replied, turning around to face Clarke. Clarke closed her bedroom door to give them a little privacy and let out a small sigh. “I’m just trying to figure out what you meant?”

“Okay, first of all,” Clarke began. “I thought you weren’t into me.” Lexa stared at her. “I mean fuck, Lexa, I almost kissed you in college and then we never spoke of it ever again. And then you started dating Costia…”

Lexa blinked at the mention of Clarke’s dorm roommate and her ex-girlfriend. She sighed and leaned against Clarke’s bed. “I thought you were out of my league.”

“What?”

“Before Costia… I thought… I don’t know. I thought that near kiss was just something that happened in passing, like it wasn’t something you meant, or something you had forgotten about. Costia wasn’t the result of that, though. Costia was the one that asked me out, and we just… fell into place,” Lexa explained.

Clarke’s face fell. “Oh.”

“Yeah…”

“Maybe I shouldn’t have been such a coward…” Clarke began with a solemn frown. “The quote-unquote kiss, or near kiss, I guess, wasn’t a mistake.” Lexa’s eyebrows furrowed. “It was never a mistake, because that’s how I felt about you.”

Lexa’s mouth gaped in surprise.

“What?” Her eyes watched Clarke as she shrugged and then watched her sit down in her desk chair.

Clarke looked like she was carrying the regret on her shoulders.

“Costia was faster than I was.”

“Did she know?” Lexa asked, trying to put the pieces together. Currently, the timeline in her mind was slowly coming together.

“No,” Clarke replied. “She never knew.”

“A-And you just let it happen?” Lexa asked a bit sterner.

Clarke looked disappointed. “What was I supposed to do, Lexa? You guys were already dating by the time I could come to my senses, and Costia was my roommate. She was never a bad person, and I didn’t want us to have this tension just because I was too slow to ask you out.”

Lexa let out an exasperated sigh and eventually began pacing. “You should’ve told me.”

“What, and risk being rejected?”

Lexa hardened her gaze on the blonde. “I wouldn’t have rejected you, Clarke.”

Clarke tilted her head to the side, showing her curiosity. “You would’ve dumped Costia just like that?”

Their gazes never left each other. Lexa blinked a few times as a frown appeared on her face. The few moments of silence told her as much; Lexa wasn’t sure.

“I don’t know.”

“Well, I wouldn’t have let you.”

“Clarke--”

“She asked you first, and you two looked happy.”

Lexa shook her head slightly. “I wanted  _ you _ .”

Clarke, while shocked by Lexa’s confession, shrugged. “Costia wouldn’t have deserved that.” She paused. “She was so happy with you, and she was a great roommate and ended up being a really great friend when the whole thing with Finn happened.”

Lexa rolled her eyes at the mention of Clarke’s ex-boyfriend’s name.

“Costia is still a really good friend of mine, even after you two broke up, so… maybe it was better this way. I mean, we still ended up together.”

Lexa frowned. “You never got over me?” She was hopeful, because she started reliving her undergraduate life and she suddenly remembered all of the shit she and Costia did; she remembered all of the inappropriate things she did with Costia in front of Clarke. And as quickly as the memories came, she felt her heart break.

Clarke shook her head and then she shrugged. “I had no reason to. You were loving, caring, quiet, curious, and a little bit of an ass, but maybe that’s why I liked you so much.”

Lexa felt her throat swell. She closed her eyes briefly. “So, that time when Costia asked you to leave, because we were going to have sex…?”

Clarke tried to smile, but even Lexa could see her tear at the seams a bit. “It hurt, but…” She shrugged again. “It’s not like I had a choice.”

“Fuck, Clarke,” Lexa replied with exasperation. “Why-- You--” she paused. For once in her life, Lexa Woods couldn’t think of the words to say. She was dumbfounded, and a little heartbroken for the blonde.

Clarke watched all of the frustrated and angry emotions flash across her face.

And as if the universe dictated their every move, conversation, and revelation, Lexa’s phone began to vibrate. It was like the universe asked: what was the point of angst if it didn’t stew and simmer for a bit?

They both looked at her phone that was on Clarke’s bed, and they both saw Anya’s caller ID. Lexa stared at it and then at Clarke; she didn’t want to answer it. She wanted to finish the conversation with Clarke, because, at that moment, nothing else mattered. She wanted to make things right - anything to stop her heart from beating so damn loudly in her chest.

She and Costia did so many things in front of Clarke, the woman that wanted to love her the same way, and she never once knew. And, every single thing they did was like a slap in the face for the blonde.

Conflicted green eyes met solemn blue ones.

Lexa hardly cared if Anya yelled at her for not picking up the phone. Shit - she’d withstand anything for the blonde in front of her.

“You better answer that before Anya kicks your ass for not picking up,” Clarke said with a small chuckle. “You remember what happened last time.”

She was right.

Anya’s anger was frightening.

Fuck. Why did she always have to be right?

Lexa reached for her phone and brought it up to her ear to answer it. “Yes, Anya?” she asked with a hint of sternness. Her eyes stayed on Clarke and noticed the blonde’s unsure demeanor. “No, I didn’t forget.” Pause. “Yes.” All she could think about was her girlfriend. “Fine. No, I’ll be right there. Ten minutes.” Pause. “Okay. Bye.”

She ended the call. “Anya wants me to go furniture hunting with her.”

Clarke smirked and raised an eyebrow. “Furniture hunting?”

“Ikea,” Lexa replied promptly.

“Ah, well, guess I won’t be seeing you for a few hours. That place is like a vortex.” Clarke tried to lighten the mood, but it didn’t do much for Lexa.

Lexa didn’t move.

Clarke got up from her seat and expected Lexa to start gathering her things from last night. “Lexa…”

“I don’t want to leave it like  _ this _ , Clarke.”

Clarke felt bad for bringing it up in the first place. She could tell when Lexa felt uneasy, or felt like it was necessary to fix things, else they’d plague her mind.

She walked up to Lexa and reached for her hands. Her fingers wrapped around the brunette’s as her eyes were fixated on how good it felt to touch her and feel her.

“Don’t, Lexa.” She shook her head. “Don’t feel bad. What happened in the past is in the past. It’s gone and done, okay?”

Lexa blinked as her eyes searched blue ones. “That doesn’t mean I can’t be upset about it.”

She tried to reassure her, “And I’m telling you, you shouldn’t be.”

“But, I am.”

Clarke sighed, almost lovingly, and kissed the brunette longingly, making sure she could at least show her that there was nothing to feel bad about. Their one kiss turned into many, but even when Clarke pulled away, she could still see the turmoil through Lexa’s eyes.

“You should go before Anya  _ really _ kicks your ass,” she whispered, before pressing a kiss against Lexa’s jawline. Lexa nearly yelped when she felt a hand on her ass. “And I, for one, kind of like your ass, so…”

Lexa couldn’t fight back the smile, but it disappeared quickly. “Can we at least talk about this later?”

“Fine, but I want you to know that I don’t hold anything against you for what happened.” She brought her hand up to cup Lexa’s cheek. “Please try to forget about it.”

Lexa softly kissed the blonde good-bye and didn’t make any promises.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa finds out that her ex-girlfriend and Clarke's old college roommate still talk to each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone that's been reading this story, and graciously giving kudos and comments. I really appreciate it!
> 
> I'll be using my breaks between Cyberpunk 2077 times to look over the rest of the chapters.  
> (Unfortunately, there are very few Cyberpunk 2077 breaks...)

Lexa couldn’t understand why everyone loved Ikea; as she and Anya followed various arrows placed on the ground, she briefly wondered what the outside looked like. Did an hour pass? Two hours? She had no clue.

Clarke was right; the damn place was a vortex.

Anya stared at the black leather couch in front of her. “What about this one?”

Lexa stared absentmindedly and shrugged. “Probably not.”

Anya sighed and tugged her sister along by her arm. “C’mon, ladykiller.” Lexa relaxed underneath her sister’s presence and stepped in line with her as they perused the arrow directed isles of Ikea.

Anya could sense Lexa’s distraction. “Clarke told you not to fuss about it. Why are you?”

“Because I practically felt the same way when she was dating Finn… and what I saw… what I kept having to witness… I hated it. He never deserved her,” Lexa replied angrily.

Anya’s gaze fell upon one of the most uncomfortable looking couches. She gestured to her sister and, in the fashion of trying everything out, they walked around the couch and sat on it. Lexa’s face contorted in a disgruntled and uncomfortable expression, and Anya sighed, unfazed.

Anya made a comment about how nothing will ever compare to Clarke and Octavia’s couch, and then she turned to her sister. “Everyone hated Finn, Lexa. Not just you.”

Lexa stared at the plain display of a large and fake flat screen television that was placed on a highly priced entertainment stand, also sold by Ikea. “She should’ve never dated him.”

Anya smiled, amused. “And you think you were in a better position to date her instead? A little late for that, don’t you think?”

Lexa shook her head at herself. “There were so many things in college I wish I did.”

“You and everyone else in this world.”

Lexa sighed and threw her head back, disappointed in both herself and the sofa. She turned her head from side to side, surveying the various couches around them. “Anya, why are we at Ikea looking for a couch? An actual furniture store is best suited for that.”

Anya smirked. “Wishful thinking. Anyways, let's move on to the dressers.” She got up from the sofa and Lexa followed.

They made a detour with the help of the arrows on the floor.

“Maybe I should’ve told Clarke why Costia and I broke up,” Lexa murmured in thought.

Anya halted and brought her arm out to stop Lexa from walking any further. “What the fuck did you just say?”

“Anya, there are children here,” Lexa deadpanned.

Anya rolled her eyes. “Did you seriously not tell her yet?”

Lexa shook her head. “I never found a good reason to.”

“And now that everything's out in the open, don’t you think it’s a good time to?” Anya’s eyes never left her sister’s, but Lexa refused to look at Anya, ashamed.

Lexa shrugged. “Maybe.”

“Maybe?” Anya asked, louder. “Lex.”

“Anya, there’s no benefit or gain in telling Clarke.”

Anya growled lowly and rolled her eyes. “You are such a fucking idiot.”

“Anya.”

“Yes, yes, the children. Forgive my fucking French.” Anya continued to walk as a few parents around them stared at her with a disapproving look.

Lexa tried to hide her smile.

“I won’t dictate how you live your life, Lexa, but I think that bit of information, with or without any gain, is something Clarke needs to hear.”

“Why?”

“Because, Clarke and Costia are still friends.”

“They are?” Lexa asked with a small gasp, surprised. She hadn’t heard Clarke talk about Costia or even mention the woman in the slightest.

“They were roommates for four years. Of course they’re still in touch.”

“Clarke never told me.”

“Duh,” Anya replied. “You and Costia broke up. Out of respect, Clarke wouldn’t dare say that name in front of you.”

Lexa furrowed her eyebrows. “When was the last time Clarke mentioned her to you?”

“Not to me.”

“Raven?”

“Raven said Clarke met up with Costia for lunch last month, but that’s it,” Anya admitted. “If you want any further information, you’ll have to ask Clarke’s friends. They’re in neutral standing with your ex. I, for one, am not.”

Lexa frowned. “Do you think Costia told Clarke?”

“No. Otherwise, you would’ve heard about it from the blonde herself.” Anya paused at the line of dressers and huffed. “Black and white? Don’t they have any other colors? I am not looking forward to building this shit.”

Lexa found herself struggling to come up with any sort of plan, or rather, any words to describe her feelings or how she felt about the whole situation.

“Anya…”

Anya tested out the drawers of a dresser by pulling one of them out and then closing it. She hummed thoughtfully.

“...If you were in my position… what would you do?” Lexa asked.

Anya’s eyes were fixated on the task at hand. “If I were in your position? I’d stop fussing about the whole thing.”

“I’m being serious, An,” Lexa said sternly.

“There are various ways to a woman’s heart, my dear sister.”

Lexa furrowed her eyebrows. “You mean food and sex?”

Anya smirked and mimicked her sister. “Hey, watch it. There are children here.”

Lexa tried to fight back her smile.

“Food, sex, talk about your feelings - you know, the usual.”

Lexa sighed and narrowed her eyes at her sister. “Why do I ask you for advice when you and Raven are a perfect example of avoiding your feelings altogether.”

Anya glared at her sister. “Raven and I dated. Past tense. There’s nothing more to discuss about it.”

Lexa rolled her eyes and muttered, “Whatever you say.”

Two hours later, they left Ikea with a dresser, a couple of nightstands, and some Swedish meatballs.

… 

**Clarke Griffin [7:58 PM]:** Hey you.

**Lexa Woods [7:58 PM]:** Hi

**Clarke Griffin [7:59 PM]:** Survived Ikea yet?

**Lexa Woods [7:59 PM]:** We just left.

**Lexa Woods [8:02 PM]:** What are you doing right now?

**Clarke Griffin [8:02 PM]:** Getting ready for bed.

**Clarke Griffin [8:02 PM]:** Work tomorrow morning…

**Lexa Woods [8:02 PM]:** Did you want company?

**Clarke Griffin [8:03 PM]:** It’s okay. I’m going to be dead asleep anyways. I’ll see you later?

**Lexa Woods [8:03 PM]:** Of course. Good night, Clarke.

**Clarke Griffin [8:04 PM]:** Good night, Lexa <3 :)

Lexa stared at her phone screen with a small frown.

Anya glanced at her sister. “Clarke?”

Lexa nodded. “She has work in the morning.” She sighed and stared out the window of Anya’s car like the dramatic gay child that she was.

… 

_ [A few days later] _

The door closed behind them, and Lexa pushed Clarke further and further into the bedroom. Clarke moaned against Lexa’s lips as their kisses became more and more heated. Clarke smiled against the brunette’s lips, loving how the woman felt pressed against her.

Clarke yelped as the back of her legs hit her bed and they fell on top of it.

Lexa didn’t stop and continued to kiss the blonde with equal fervor.

“Lexa,” Clarke said between kissings. She let out a low moan when she felt Lexa’s thigh press between hers. She laughed and felt warm, soft lips leave hers.

Lexa hovered above Clarke, searching her eyes for any signs of conflicted feelings or unwanted attention.

“Lexa,” Clarke repeated, wrapping her arms around Lexa’s neck. She was all smiles. “Is this why you insisted on cooking tonight?” She caught onto Lexa’s tactics as soon as they transitioned from eating Lexa’s delicious spaghetti and meatballs, to watching TV on the couch, to heated kisses and wandering hands, and finally, to fumbling their way to her bedroom.

Lexa’s smile was small. “Maybe.” She leaned in to kiss the blonde’s neck. She nipped at the skin, making Clarke moan.

“Fuck,” she gasped.

“Did it work?” Lexa asked between kisses against her soft, soft skin. She nipped lightly at the blonde’s collar.

Clarke let out a raspy laugh and as Lexa lifted her head from her favorite spot, both of them could see each other’s dark hooded expression.

Clarke gently traced the brunette’s cheekbone with the pad of her thumb, and then moved to her peach colored lips. Lexa took the opportunity to quickly kiss Clarke’s thumb.

“The food isn’t the reason why I have sex with you, you know,” Clarke murmured.

Lexa frowned as her eyebrows furrowed, disappointed and feeling dejected. “So, you didn’t like my cooking?”

Clarke laughed. “Lexa, your cooking was  _ orgasmic _ , but I’m going to be  _ really _ upset if you don’t  _ fuck _ me right  _ now. _ ”

Lexa’s lips parted ever so slightly as those words left her mouth. She always found it incredibly sexy when Clarke swore; what she didn’t anticipate was the blonde saying ‘fuck’ in a raspy, deep, and dark voice.

Fuck. She was  _ so _ gone.

Lexa quickly captured the blonde’s lips, and Clarke smiled, letting out a small yelp. The bedroom filled with low moans, and sounds of shuffling as their hands wandered and grabbed fistfulls of shirts.

Through moans, groans, and a few murmurs of cuss words, they managed to shift further onto the bed.

As Lexa straddled the blonde’s hips, she pulled at the hem of her shirt and eventually, and quickly, pulled it off and flung it somewhere to her right.

She helped Clarke pull hers off and also flung it off to the side.

She palmed the blonde’s left breast through her bra, and, in that moment, Clarke was incredibly thankful that Octavia was not home and was instead sleeping at Lincoln’s, because the moan that escaped her lips was loud, obscene, and increasing with each of Lexa’s ministrations.

… 

Lexa awoke the next morning with a smile plastered on her face; neither of them had work or interviews, so it was just them, comfortably warm and naked.

She hugged the sheets to her chest as she let out a small moan, extending and stretching her wonderfully sore limbs.

With sleepiness still lingering around, her eyes fluttered and curiously shifted to the blonde sleeping next to her. She was facing Lexa and her arm was casually resting on the brunette’s stomach.

Lexa broke out into a wide smile as she watched Clarke’s even breathing. With her eyes, she traced the blonde’s content and relaxed face to memory; the strings of hair that dangled in front of her face, itching to be tucked behind her ear, her thinned lips, parted ever so slightly, and the velvety feeling of the small hairs on her cheeks.

Fuck. Lexa was falling hard.

“Mm…” Clarke hummed in the back of her throat. She tipped her head towards the brunette and eventually stilled once more.

Lexa watched her, but her smile eventually faded as intrusive thoughts invaded her mind. She couldn’t stop thinking about those years when her and Costia rubbed their relationship into Clarke’s face, unbeknownst. She then thought of Costia, as the woman kept her and Clarke’s friendship, despite their break up.

“Stop,” Clarke murmured.

Lexa smirked; the blonde’s eyes were still cold.

“You think loud,” Clarke said with a small grin as her eyes finally opened. “ _ Really _ loud.”

“Sorry,” Lexa replied in a murmur.

Clarke studied her green eyes, humming lightly. “Anything in particular you’re thinking about?”

“You.” Lexa’s smile widened. “Always you.”

Clarke chuckled, feeling blush creep up from her neck to her cheeks. Her hand drifted underneath the sheets and wrapped around the brunette’s naked middle; she moved them closer together, feeling their naked legs tangle below.

Clarke sighed and rubbed her eyes a bit. “What time is it?”

Lexa looked over Clarke’s shoulder. “Almost eight.”

Clarke groaned and snuggled further into Lexa’s chest.

“Thankfully, it’s the weekend, and we’re both free to do what we please for the next twenty-four hours.”

Clarke chuckled. “And what did you have in mind?”

Lexa closed her eyes, feeling Clarke’s thigh inch upwards between hers, insinuating the same thoughts she’s been having. “I think you already know.”

Clarke chuckled again, cherishing and loving their mornings together. As silence fell between them, she could tell Lexa was still thinking just as loud as before.

“Lexa?”

“Hm?”

“I don’t blame you or Costia for any of it,” she said.

Lexa’s eyes widened briefly. Clarke always read her like a book; even when she tried to act as stoic as possible, it was like she could see right through her. She remembered when she and Costia had a fight, and even though she always spent a considerable amount of time in the library, the blonde’s visit was meant to be in passing, but she ended up questioning Lexa on her slight change in mood. She could’ve attested her curt replies on general college stress, but she knew Clarke wouldn’t back down.

“Clarke…”

“I mean it.”

Lexa sighed and pressed her lips against the blonde’s crown. “I’m sorry.”

“I know.”

She should’ve told her.

She should’ve mentioned the reason behind her and Costia’s break up. Clarke was the one that was most concerned at the time anyways.

_ “Wait--You guys-- what? You guys looked so happy the day before. What happened?” _

_ “We had a fight.” _

_ “You guys can’t sort it out?” _

_ “We both agreed it was better if we stopped seeing each other.” _

_ “Lexa...” _

_ “It’s already done and I need to move on.” _

Out of respect, Costia agreed not to tell Clarke either. Whether or not that carried over post-college was a mystery.

Is that why she and Costia still met? Lexa could’ve asked, but she didn’t.

In a matter of seconds, Clarke sat up and straddled Lexa’s waist. Lexa stared up at the goddess with hooded eyes. Her brain turned to mush as Clarke let out a small moan. The sheets fell from Clarke’s lower back and onto Lexa’s legs, showing as much skin as she saw last night when they both discarded their clothes without a care in the world.

Lexa’s lips parted at the sight; both naked and incredibly sated, yet wanting more.

“Is this to get me to stop thinking about it?” Lexa asked. A small smile appeared on her lips.

Clarke mimicked her smile. “Maybe. Is it working?”

“Yes,” Lexa replied fairly quickly.

Clarke laughed and leaned forward to capture the brunette’s lips in a heated kiss. As she canted her hips forward, her palms found solace in the spaces beside the brunette’s head, and then, as they continued to kiss, she leaned forward a bit more so their breasts touched.

Lexa moaned between kisses, “Oh god.”

“Clarke is just fine, Babe.”

Lexa mentally rolled her eyes at the joke, and in one swift motion, she turned them over. Clarke stared up at her as Lexa hungrily kissed her once and then continued to trail kisses down her body until she found what she wanted between her legs.

Clarke’s hips arched at the feeling as a loud moan ripped from her throat.

Telling Clarke about her and Costia would have to wait until later as she was too busy focusing on the wonderful melody of drawn out moans.

… 

Octavia’s head turned at the sound of Clarke’s bedroom door clicking open.

Clarke was surprised to see her roommate home early, or what she thought was early. She had spent the night at Lincoln’s and she usually didn’t see her until closer to dinner time.

Octavia’s smile deepened when she saw Lexa right behind the blonde.

“Oh good, I was beginning to wonder when you two would stop your sex marathon,” she teased.

Lexa was forced to retreat into the kitchen so she could hide her incredibly reddened face. Clarke rolled her eyes and shot back, “Should we also talk about you and Lincoln? Hm? You guys are totally having sex every single second.”

Octavia shrugged. “I mean, have you not  _ seen _ him? Who wouldn’t want to fu--”

“Please,” Lexa said sternly from the kitchen. Although her face was still red, her voice was steady. “I don’t wish to hear about my brother in  _ that _ way.”

Octavia let out a short, airy chuckle. “Sorry, Lexa.”

Clarke shook her head at her roommate and made it over to Lexa, making sure to show her remorse and support by rubbing small circles in her lower back. She pressed a small kiss to her cheek and said something to Octavia before returning to the hallway. Lexa heard her girlfriend open the bathroom door and then close it shut.

Out of the corner of her eyes, she saw Octavia was occupied with her Instagram feed on her phone. Lexa held her breath and quickly made it over to the brunette.

She had to be quick if she wanted to get her answers before Clarke got back.

She hastily sat next to Octavia. “I need to talk to you,” she whispered harshly. She looked back down the hallway to make sure the bathroom door was still closed.

Octavia was taken aback by Lexa’s forwardness and was even intimidated. “Uh, listen, if it’s about the thing about Lincoln--”

“I’m not talking about my brother,” Lexa replied. Her green eyes borrowed into Octavia’s brown ones. “I’m talking about Costia.” Octavia’s eyes widened slightly. Her reaction told Lexa she was on the right path. “Specifically… Clarke and Costia.”

“Uh,” Octavia stalled. “I’m not sure what you’re talking about.”

Lexa pressed her lips together. “Anya told me that Clarke and Costia still talk to each other and even meet each other sometimes.”

“Anya?”

“Raven has been telling Anya,” Lexa replied. “Which means you know about it, too.”

Octavia caved at the realization that her cover was blown. “Okay, okay. I was sworn to secrecy… well, so was Raven, but we all know how that went.” She flashed a sympathetic frown. “Clarke didn’t want you to know.”

Lexa nodded. “I figured as much.”

“She and Costia are good friends, and she thought if you knew she still talked to her, you’d get upset or angry.”

Lexa sighed and blinked once. “I’m not angry.” She paused and looked behind her once more. The bathroom door was still closed. “Do you know if she told Costia about her and I?”

“That you guys are together?”

Lexa nodded.

“Not that I know of. Why--”

Lexa interjected. “Do you know if Costia told Clarke anything about me and her?”

“You and Costia?” Octavia furrowed her eyebrows, confused as to why Lexa asked such a weird question. “Uh, I don’t think so. I know Clarke and her catch up from time to time, but Clarke hasn’t said anything in particular about their meetings. Why are you asking?”

Lexa pursed her lips, again. Only Costia, Anya, and herself knew about the reason for her and Costia’s break up. And, only she and Costia knew about  _ that _ night. She wasn’t so sure she wanted to tell another person that wasn’t Clarke, the sole person who should’ve known the truth from the beginning.

As if on cue, the bathroom door opened, and Lexa scooted a little further from Octavia as to not raise suspicion, if Clarke were to have any.

Clarke closed the bathroom door on her way out.

“What’cha guys talking about?” Clarke asked, leaning against the back of the sofa.

Lexa and Octavia briefly looked at each other.

“Octavia was telling me about her plans for my brother’s Birthday, sans the… other stuff, of course.”

Octavia’s ears perked up at the hint and nodded. “Yeah, I was telling her about the reservations I managed to grab at The Polis Capital.”

Clarke’s eyes widened. “Holy shit, you  _ have _ to tell me how it is. I heard that place is expensive as fuck.”

Octavia smirked, “Well, you can thank Kane for the help. I’m pretty sure he can get you and Lexa a reservation, too, in case you rabbits needed another form of foreplay and another reason to have sex.” She winked at Lexa and Lexa promptly turned away, face now even redder than before.

“O!” Clarke hissed. “C’mon, stop teasing her.”

She was always aware how quiet Lexa got when sensitive matters, especially ones regarding herself, were brought about.

It’s not that Lexa didn’t talk about sex or hated the mention of it - she just found it incredibly embarrassing when the subject and herself, combined, ended up being the center of attention.

Clarke found it cute how red Lexa’s face and ears got.

“I’m fine,” Lexa said, getting up from the couch and letting her hand run over Clarke’s back. Clarke caught Lexa’s hand briefly, and squeezed it for reassurance. Lexa smiled at her before retreating into the kitchen to find something to eat.

“Hey, you guys always tease Lincoln and me, and now, since you two finally got your shit together, you get to have a share of some of the love.” Octavia grinned wildly at the two, and Clarke rolled her eyes at her best friend. “I’m merely the spreader.”

Clarke pulled a face. “Interesting choice of words, O.”

“Perv.”

“Says you,” Clarke retorted with a roll of her eyes and a smile.

“Clarke,” Lexa called out. “There’s some leftover spaghetti from last night. It’s either that or we find something outside.”

Clarke hummed in thought. “You want to go down the street to get a sandwich?”

Lexa walked out of the kitchen and nodded. “Sure.”

Octavia raised an eyebrow at the two. “Wait, you guys haven’t eaten?”

Clarke shook her head.

Octavia let out a short laugh. “Wait a minute - do you guys even know what time it is right now?”

Lexa and Clarke looked at each other with the same puzzled expression.

Clarke guessed, “Noon?”

Octavia was now in a fit of laughter. “Oh shit,” she said between wheezes. “Oh god, I have to tell the others.”

That’s when Clarke found out it was well past 3PM and nearing 4PM. Lexa’s face turned lobster red when Octavia texted the entire group (Clarke and Lexa included), barely able to contain herself between words.

**Octavia [3:47 PM]:** HOLY SHIT YOU GUYS

**Octavia [3:47 PM]:** GUESS WHO JUST CAME OUT OF THEIR SEX MARATHON

**Octavia [3:47 PM]:** AND THEY THOUGHT IT WAS NOON

**Octavia [3:48 PM]:** I CAN’T. I LITERALLY CAN’T STOP LAUGHING

Below her all-caps texts were lines and lines of emojis, laughing and crying.

Clarke and Lexa’s phone blew up with chimes as the rest of the group either replied with teases of their own or more and more lines of laugh and crying emojis.

Clarke rolled her eyes at Octavia and passed Lexa her jacket. She pushed Lexa out of the apartment before her roommate could have the satisfaction of seeing them equally red in embarrassment.

Clarke held onto Lexa’s hand as they walked down the street. Lexa laced their fingers together as she was forced to reach into her pocket to silence her phone.

Right before she did, she caught one of Anya’s personal texts.

**Anya Woods [3:51PM]:** I hope you’re using condoms. _ (winking emoji) _

Lexa shook her head and had to suppress her invading thoughts.

Clarke rolled her eyes. “It’s like they’ve never had sex before.”

Lexa’s cheeks reddened, not from the teasing they received from their friends, but from the fact that she and Clarke had sex all morning and all afternoon, and neither one of them knew the time or even cared to keep track of it.

“So, choices, Lexa,” Clarke said, cheerfully. “Mama Jay’s or Mister Pickles?”

Lexa hummed thoughtfully. “I haven’t had Mister Pickles in a while.”

“Mister Pickles it is,” Clarke nodded.

Their hands were still laced together as they stood in line to order their sandwich.

It was a fleeting thought, but Lexa wondered if the sandwich shop was one of Clarke and Costia’s meeting spots.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, thank you for reading!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anya uses her own methods to get Lexa to talk to Clarke about the reason why she and Costia broke up, which involves all of their mutual friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All mistakes are mine.
> 
> Thank you all for the kudos and comments! I love reading them in the morning :).
> 
> I hope you all have a safe, healthy, and wonderful holiday!

With her job interview halfway across town, Lexa came home rather late; closer to 8 PM. When she unlocked her apartment door, she was greeted with open arms and it wasn’t her darling sister that seemingly never hugged her when she came home.

“Congrats on all the sex!” she heard.

Lexa furrowed her brows as Bellamy’s squeeze tightened.

“It’s good to see you, too, Bellamy,” Lexa replied. “And must that be the first thing you say to me when you’ve just come back from your international trip?”

Bellamy released her and laughed. “C’mon! I haven’t had any cellular service since I left, and the moment I touch land in the states, my phone blows up with the good news.”

Lexa smirked. “You’ve clearly missed a lot.”

“Clearly.”

Lexa shrugged off her coat and hung it on the coat rack. She wiped some of the water off the sleeves. It sprinkled on her way home from the subway.

“So…” He pushed out his bottom lip and flashed a weird face, as if he were having conflicting thoughts. “Have you told Clarke yet?”

Lexa froze. His voice was filled with worry and curiosity, and there was only one thing that she was keeping from Clarke. She narrowed down a list in her mind and used her deduction skills to come to the conclusion that her sister was still a gossiping and nosy person.

“Anya!” she suddenly yelled. Bellamy turned his head and saw Anya pop her head out from her bedroom. “What the fuck? You told Bellamy?”

Raven’s head popped out afterwards.

Lexa’s glare intensified. She wasn’t expecting  _ more  _ people to know why she and Costia broke up. “You told Raven as well, I presume?”

Raven looked away and pulled a neutral face. She flatly replied, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Lexa’s eyes shifted from her sister to Raven. “You’re a terrible liar, Raven Rayes.”

Raven winced and sighed. “I promise I won’t tell Clarke.”

“Good, because she shouldn’t hear it from anyone else.” Lexa shrugged off her sweater and headed to her bedroom.

Bellamy sighed and followed Lexa. “It’s been like… what, five years?”

“Four,” Lexa replied curtly, hanging up her sweater in her closet. Her gaze locked with Bellamy’s. “Don’t tell me I should’ve told her years ago. I know that.”

Bellamy leaned against her door frame and crossed his arms over his chest. “You two are already together. I don’t think telling Clarke now will do any harm.”

Lexa looked away solemnly. “No, but she should’ve known from the very beginning.”

“Why didn’t you tell her when it happened?”

“She was drunk. She didn’t remember any of it.” Lexa sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. “I had Costia tell her that she was the one that got her to sleep in her bed.”

Bellamy furrowed his eyebrows. “Why?”

“Because Costia and I broke up, nearly on the spot.”

“And you thought Clarke shouldn’t know... why?”

“I asked Costia not to tell her, because  _ I _ wanted to tell her.”

“But you clearly didn’t.”

Lexa glared at him and coldly replied, “No, I didn’t.” She then relaxed at the realization. “Which is my fault. Look, a lot happened that night, and while Clarke needed some time to deal with her break up with Finn, Costia and I needed our own space. It didn’t seem like the right time.” She clenched her jaw, now aggravated about the whole subject. “Can we talk about something else, please?”

Bellamy was shocked at how exhausted she sounded. He assumed the brunette had thought about the whole thing extensively ever since she and Clarke had gotten together, which had only been a little over a month. But, the look on Lexa’s face told him that her thoughts might’ve drifted past a month. He wondered if her and Costia’s break up had haunted her ever since it happened.

“Uh, sure.”

“Have you seen your sister and Clarke, yet?”

“Oh--”

As if on cue, there was a series of sharp knocks at the front door. Bellamy turned his head as Raven opened the door.

“Where the fuck is my brother!?” Octavia yelled excitedly.

Bellamy smirked as his sister tackled him with open arms. “Hey, O,” he replied with a painful grunt.

Clarke was the next to greet him, and the sight of Clarke in her oversized blue Arkadia University sweatshirt made Lexa’s stomach do somersaults. She hugged Bellamy tightly, before letting Octavia smother him even more.

“Hey,” Clarke greeted Lexa, wrapping her arms around her neck and hugging her tightly. Lexa smiled into the embrace and wrapped her arms around her girlfriend’s waist. Feeling the weight against her and smelling the sweet vanilla scent of Clarke’s shampoo made her head spin.

“Hi, Clarke,” she replied softly.

“How was your interview?” Clarke asked, letting go of Lexa.

“It was good. If I had to brag, I’d say it was easy.”

Clarke smirked. “Of course you would.” She tugged on the rolled up sleeves of Lexa’s white button-up dress shirt that was unbuttoned at the top and tucked into her black tapered slacks. “Are you planning to keep this on?”

Lexa curiously asked, “Why? I was going to change into something else.”

Clarke stared at Lexa with hooded eyes. “Keep it on.”

“You don’t want me to take it off?”

She leaned into the brunette, brushing her lips against her ear. “ _ I _ want to take it off.”

If Lexa could put her emotions into tangible words, she would say that her head almost exploded. She tried to divert the blush that blossomed on her cheeks. “Oh.”

Clarke flashed a sly smirk and winked at her.

“I’ll… uh… I’ll change into sweatpants then,” she finally managed to say.

Clarke wondered when the rest of her friends stopped chatting, or maybe it was due to the fact that whenever she was around Lexa, it was like they were the only two that existed. The deafening words coming from Octavia’s mouth made it apparent that she and Lexa were now the center of attention.

“I’d tell you guys to get a room, but you’re already in one,” Octavia said with a stupid grin.

Lexa’s back was turned when she said that, but Clarke could already see the redness in Lexa’s ears.

“Okay, you peeping toms,” Clarke said, shoving Bellamy and Octavia further into the living room to give Lexa some privacy. While Lexa did want to change in the comfort of her own room, she also didn’t want Clarke to leave.

“So, tell us about your trip,” Octavia said cheerfully as she got Bellamy to sit down on the couch.

“Nothing to say, really. I wrote you guys letters and sent pictures and everything.”

Octavia rolled her eyes. “Clearly there’s something you’re not telling us, because, if I remember correctly, you said you met someone in Iceland.”

Bellamy winced. “I did.”

Anya chuckled. “Sore subject?”

Bellamy shrugged and tried to play it cool. “She was a local, and incredibly nice.”

Raven shot a look at Anya. “ _ Was _ .”

Anya hummed. “Clearly a bad sign.” Raven nodded in agreement.

While Bellamy got into his story about the local woman that stole his heart, Lexa emerged from her room and offered to make some tea for her girlfriend.

Clarke shook her head. “Mind if I have some of yours?” Lexa raised an eyebrow, warning her. She chuckled and replied, “I promise I won’t drink all of it, Babe.”

Lexa’s lips curled into a smile when she heard the pet name. She decided on peach and hibiscus green tea, and hearing Clarke’s low moans from the warm liquid coating the inside of her throat almost made Lexa choke on her own saliva.

She handed Lexa back her mug of tea. “Thanks.” Lexa nodded and leaned in to sip the contents.

“Well, I asked her to come back with me,” Bellamy said, tying up his international romance story. “But, she couldn’t leave her family behind, so… that was the end of that.”

“It’s not like email, Instagram, or WhatsApp is a thing, huh?” Raven deadpanned.

Anya tried to hide her smile behind the back of her hand.

Bellamy glared at them. “Hey, I gave her my email, but she said she’s hardly around the internet. I even asked if she had Instagram. She said she didn’t.”

Octavia winced. “Sounds like she dumped you, bro.”

Anya agreed. “Maybe you went a little too hard on the romance. Perhaps a candlelit dinner instead of sending her straight to the Northern Lights, hm?”

Bellamy rolled his eyes. “Okay, enough about my shitty love story, what about these two over here?”

Everyone looked at Clarke and Lexa, who were standing behind the couch, listening in on the conversation. Clarke’s hand was resting on Lexa’s lower back, playing with the fabric of her dress shirt, when all eyes fell on them.

“What about us?” Clarke asked, feigning cluelessness.

Bellamy rolled his eyes. “Please tell me there’s a story to go with it.”

“Not much of a story, Bell,” Clarke replied.

“Really?” Bellamy sounded deflated. “No grand gestures? No flowers in the mouth?” Lexa furrowed her eyebrows at that. “No boombox outside of a second-story window? Box of chocolates? Long walk on the beach?”

Octavia shook her head at her brother. “You’ve been watching too many romance movies, Bell.”

Anya spoke up, “I can assure you, if anyone would’ve done that stuff, it would’ve been Lexa.” There was a prominent and sly smirk on the woman’s lips.

Lexa nearly choked on her tea.

Raven raised an eyebrow. “Uh, no, that would’ve totally been a Clarke thing to do.”

Clarke leaned into Lexa and whispered, “Are they seriously debating about this?”

“It appears so.” Lexa took another sip of her tea. “But, I’d have to agree with Anya on this one.”

Clarke chuckled, “You’d serenade me from the window?”

Lexa thought about it. “Maybe not, but I would’ve definitely brought you flowers.” Clarke laughed, and Lexa thought it was the best sound in the world. “Would it have worked?”

“Mm,” Clarke hummed, and then teased, “Maybe you’ll have to try and find out for yourself.”

Lexa’s smile widened. “Maybe I will.” Green eyes met blue, and the entire world melted around them. “Although, I don’t expect it to fail, seeing as how you’re already mine.” The last few words were spoken with a darker tone, one that was usually reserved for the bedroom.

Anya rolled her eyes at Bellamy’s words. “Lexa,” she called her sister. “Yes or no, would you ask Clarke to marry you in another country?”

Bellamy added, “Specifically underneath the Northern Lights?”

Lexa choked on her tea, and Clarke worriedly patted her back, asking if she was okay.

Anya’s question was never answered.

An hour later, Bellamy, Octavia, Raven, and Anya left to go to a bar somewhere downtown, leaving Clarke and Lexa to indulge in their alone time.

Clarke kept her promise and carefully removed Lexa’s dress shirt, right before Lexa told her it was only one of the two she owned (so, no popping buttons off).

The two joined their friends at the bar an hour later, but only socially. Clarke and Lexa each drank a beer, but they refused to drink any further as they both wanted to enjoy the small intimate touches they shared when they were together.

...

By the time Lexa managed to gather enough courage to tell Clarke, Clarke was in the middle of her recurring recertification exams, and all of the studying she was putting herself through stressed her out to no end.

Lexa asked her if it was a good time to talk, and Clarke flatly told her ‘no’. Lexa frowned at the blonde’s increasing irritation that had been apparent for the last week or so. It was a very Lexa thing to do to at least push for their ‘talk’, but they were still both human and very stubborn.

Clarke told her she didn’t want to and then told Lexa that she just wanted some space. Lexa took it the wrong way, and simply nodded and left.

It was the second day of silence when Octavia brought the issue up with Anya. Coincidentally, she, Lincoln, Anya, and Raven were at a bar together.

“Clarke didn’t want to come with us?” Anya asked. “I assumed with all her studying that she’d want to get a drink to ease the pain.”

Octavia shook her head. “You know Clarke - she’s like a recluse when it comes to her medical exams.”

Raven furrowed her eyebrows. “Doesn’t Lexa usually help her?”

“Lexa has been busy with interviews lately,” Anya replied coolly, taking a sip of her drink.

“Didn’t she get like five job offers already?” Lincoln asked.

Anya nodded. “Six, actually. She said she’s just trying to see what’s out there.”

Raven sighed, “To be wanted by so many people.”

“And not by her own girlfriend,” Octavia murmured.

All eyes fell on her.

Raven blinked a few times. “What?” she asked a little louder than necessary.

Octavia looked around, puzzled by everyone’s reaction. “You guys know Clarke and Lexa had a fight, right?”

Raven looked at Anya, and Anya shrugged. “Lexa hadn’t mentioned anything.”

Raven rolled her eyes. “Probably because she’s burying her head in job interviews.” She turned to Octavia. “What the fuck happened?”

Octavia pressed her lips together in frustration. “I overheard Clarke and Lexa arguing - well, Clarke more than Lexa. Clarke was getting worried about the exam and Lexa wanted to talk to her about something, and, naturally, Clarke got super stressed and told her she needed space. So, Lexa just agreed and left.”

Anya shook her head in disappointment. “Lexa probably thinks it's worse than it sounds. Have you tried talking to Clarke?”

Octavia raised an eyebrow and let out a short laugh. “Oh yeah, like I haven’t tried? Clarke only leaves her room for food. Other than that, she’s holed up in her room studying.”

Lincoln chuckled, “Sounds kind of like Lexa.”

Raven bumped Anya’s shoulder. “Try talking to Lexa.”

Anya sighed and groaned out loud. “Fine.”

… 

A day later, Anya texted the group.

**Anya Woods:** Well, that went lovely.

**Raven Rayes:** Huh? Lexa didn’t budge?

**Octavia Blake:** Not even a tiny bit?

**Anya Woods:** She said it’s fine

**Anya Woods:** She dodged my questions and left for a run.

**Raven Rayes:** … So, when do we corner them and make them wear a ‘THIS IS MY GET ALONG SHIRT’ shirt?

**Octavia Blake:** LOL I like that one but in all seriousness, I’ll talk to Clarke tonight. I successfully got her to take a break and watch a movie with me.

**Lincoln Woods:** Is that why you ditched me tonight?

**Octavia Blake:** Sorry, Babe. :(

… 

**Octavia Blake:** Clarke dodged my questions and told me everything is fine.

**Octavia Blake:** Are they talking, Anya?

**Anya Woods:** No idea. Lexa hasn’t said shit to me about it.

**Anya Woods:** It’s always about Law Firm this and Law Firm that.

**Anya Woods:** Even Lincoln tried to talk to her.

**Lincoln Woods:** Unsuccessful.

**Raven Rayes:** Plan B then? MOVIE NIGHT AT OCTAVIA AND CLARKE’S!!!

… 

Octavia mentioned to Clarke about movie night, but Clarke merely mumbled in acknowledgment and returned to her studies.

She only realized what that meant when she opened her door to the commotion in the living room and caught Lexa’s green-eyed gaze.

The air between them stood in silence before Clarke merely nodded, went into the kitchen for a drink, and left. Lexa looked on solemnly as blonde hair disappeared around the corner and down the hallway.

Anya elbowed her sister in the ribs and angrily grounded out, “Go talk to her.”

“Anya--”

“Do you want to be able to come home tonight?” Anya asked in a hiss through clenched teeth. Lexa let out a sigh. “Go.”

Everyone watched as Lexa walked down the hallway and gently knocked on the blonde’s door. The door was somewhat ajar, so she pushed it open to check if it was okay to come in. She disappeared into the room and closed the door behind her.

Octavia watched everyone’s gaze and asked, “So… are we starting the movie, or are we eavesdropping?”

Raven hopped onto the couch. “Eavesdropping, duh.”

.

  
  


“Hey,” Lexa murmured, closing the door behind her.

Clarke sighed to herself and rubbed her eyes a bit. She looked back at the brunette and tried to smile. “Hey.”

“How’s studying been going?” Lexa asked quietly, feeling a wave of nausea hit her. She felt like she was swimming in unknown territory. As if Clarke could bite at her any moment, and she’d walk out like last time to avoid being consumed by the overwhelming feelings of rejection.

Clarke turned in her chair to face Lexa. “As good as it’ll ever get, I think.”

Lexa’s signature slight curl at the corner of her lips made an appearance. “Is that a good thing or a bad thing?”

Clarke mimicked her smile. “It’s a ‘thing’. Take that however you want to take it.” She got up and walked over to Lexa. She could tell Lexa felt a little uneasy being in her room, and Clarke felt her stomach drop at the sight. It was the result of their fight, and she never wanted Lexa to feel so misplaced, especially somewhere that she labeled as ‘theirs’. Even though it was  _ her _ room, it was just as much as Lexa’s room, too.

Clarke reached for Lexa’s clasped hands that were positioned politely in front of her, and Lexa didn’t flinch.

“Hey,” Clarke murmured softly, trying to ease Lexa back into their comforting space. Lexa’s green orbs stared at her; green softened, yet treaded carefully, thinking one misstep meant more distance.

Clarke’s eyebrows furrowed at the sight.

“I’m sorry,” Clarke began. “About last week… I’m sorry I snapped at you. I was irritated. I thought I was in the clear, but reviewing everything made me realize how much I had to work on and…” she sighed. “...you didn’t deserve that from me.”

Lexa shook her head. “You told me you needed to study and I pushed too much. I’m sorry, too, Clarke.”

Clarke frowned and reached up to frame the brunette’s face with her hands. Her thumbs traced Lexa’s cheekbones, feeling her lean into her right palm. Lexa’s lips brushed against the skin, and Clarke’s stomach dropped again. She hadn’t realized how much they gravitated towards each other; their lack of physical contact was proof enough of the saying ‘distance makes the heart grow fonder’. She didn’t want Lexa to leave.

“You have nothing to be sorry for, Lexa. It was a shitty thing for me to do to you, and I shouldn’t have told you off like that.”

“But--”

“No.” Clarke’s smile widened. “Don’t apologize for anything.” She brought the brunette’s face to hers, and their lips met softly. After the second kiss, Lexa’s hands met their frequent position on Clarke’s waist, pulling slightly so that they were as close together as humanly possible.

While Clarke smiled into the series of kisses that came afterwards, Lexa’s head was swimming with thoughts of the night she and Costia broke up.

How she and Costia broke up on the night of Valentine’s Day.

How she walked into Costia’s dorm room, expecting Costia to be ready, only to find Clarke, flat out drunk (or, well beyond drunk) on the floor, crying about how Finn cheated on her.

How she comforted Clarke and told her things she’d never repeat while the blonde was sober; telling her she loved her (have loved her).

How she tucked the blonde in, keeping the bottle of Absinthe far away from her, and turning around only to see Costia’s widened eyed stare at her from the doorway.

A tear fell down Lexa’s cheek as she continued to kiss Clarke, but Clarke never noticed. The two fell onto Clarke’s bed, kissing still and with roaming hands, pulling each other closer together. The tear disappeared into Clarke’s pillow; the reason forgotten as Lexa’s lips moved to the blonde’s neck.

Ten minutes later, after a few more kisses and some pillow talk, the couple emerged from Clarke’s room.

Clarke was puzzled to see their friends stare at them with knowing smirks and suggestive looks.

“I thought you guys were going to watch a movie?” she asked with a large frown.

Raven chuckled with arms crossed over her chest, “Why would we when your relationship is a movie itself?”

Anya added, “We’re a bit disappointed to hear there was no climax though.”

Lincoln awkwardly looked away, while Octavia couldn’t stop laughing.

Lexa and Clarke both shook their heads at them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you very much for taking the time to read this story.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa enjoy their mini-vacation, and the 'We Know Why Lexa and Costia Broke Up' club increases a little bit more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All mistakes are mine.
> 
> There are about one or two more chapters left in the story. I increased it to 6 chapters, but it will most likely be increased to 7.
> 
> Thank you all for reading!

While Clarke was just about done getting ready for dinner, a loud strike of thunder cracked outside.

She froze at the sound just as she was coming out of the bathroom and then rushed to the large picture windows in the living room. Rain poured endlessly from the rooftop and slapped loudly against the pavement.

Clarke immediately took out her phone to check on Lexa, who offered to pick up takeout quite a few blocks away.

Lexa didn’t answer. Instead, Clarke heard a knock at the door. When she opened it, Lexa’s hair was stuck flat to her face, and her clothes were noticeably soaked.

“I didn’t know it was going to rain today,” Lexa murmured through a disappointed huff and then handed the food to Clarke.

Clarke winced at the sight. “Hold on, let me go get you a towel.”

Lexa took off her thin black sweatshirt and slung it around her forearm while she quickly slipped off her shoes. She ran her hand through her soaked hair and tousled it a bit, hoping it would start drying (hey, a girl can hope it does something).

Clarke came back with a towel and placed it on Lexa’s head. She helped dry her hair a bit and used it to frame Lexa’s face. “Are you okay?” she asked, worriedly.

Lexa smiled at the gesture. “Yeah.” She felt soft lips on hers, but only for a moment.

“I’ll go get you something to change into,” Clarke replied before she walked down the hallway.

Moments later, Lexa changed into a pair of sweats and an oversized band t-shirt that she recognized from their college days. Clarke tossed Lexa’s soaked clothes into the wash before she started unpacking the Chinese food.

Clarke couldn’t resist making a joke about it. “Usually you’re wet  _ after _ we eat, not before.”

And Lexa quipped back, “Truthfully, I’m always wet when I’m around you.”

With half the food gone and the rest packed up, they ended up on the couch with their legs tangled together underneath a large, blue, and fluffy blanket.

Lexa rested her head on Clarke’s shoulder and let her fingers absentmindedly play with Clarke’s.

They were in the middle of watching something on Netflix, but they ended up using it for background noise.

To be fair, Lexa was the one that started it.

Clarke had told Lexa a couple of days ago that since her recertification exams were over and done with,  _ and _ since Octavia and Lincoln were in the Bahamas for a week and a half, maybe they could have a ‘vacation’ of their own.

Clarke had a couple of days off and Lexa was in the middle of making a decision about her job offers, so naturally, Lexa said yes.

Their ‘vacation’ consisted of many things, but mostly sex, food, and more sex. Clarke made it clear that she wanted to make up for lost time from when she was studying, and Lexa tried to object, but was powerless under Clarke’s insisting affirmation.

It was no surprise when Clarke’s lips found Lexa’s and then the spot on her neck that made her whimper.

With the television ignored and the remote somewhere on the other end of the couch, Clarke straddled the brunette’s waist and let her hands roam under the familiar oversized shirt. Lexa’s lips parted at the feeling of Clarke’s nails gently rake against her stomach.

“Clarke,” she murmured lovingly, feeling a hand on her lower back and then making its way underneath her shirt.

Clarke laughed lightly as her lips found Lexa’s collar. The soft kisses on her body said it all.

_I’m sorry._ _I want you_. _Please forgive me._

And in response, Lexa’s fingers lifted Clarke’s head to hers and kissed her soundly.

There were many times when Lexa could’ve finally told Clarke, but that idea was thrown out the window, no thanks to her girlfriend’s soft lips on her skin. A certain blonde was always the reason for her incoherent thinking, thus turning her into a bumbling mess.

“Aaaaahchoo!” Lexa winced as her head hurt from the forcefulness of the sneeze.

Clarke stared at Lexa from her position on her lap. “Are you okay?” she asked with a small smile and a light chuckle.

“Yeah,” Lexa replied. Just then, another sneeze ripped through her.

“I think you might be catching something, Babe.”

Lexa shook her head and leaned in for another kiss, but she felt the blonde pull away. She whimpered and opened her eyes, pouting at her girlfriend. “Clarke…”

“I’m not kissing you when you’re sick, Lexa,” Clarke teased.

Lexa frowned. “But you’ve already been kissing me.”

Clarke stared at her. “That’s true.”

“Case in point. Now kiss me, or we’re switching positions,” Lexa demanded. Clarke laughed at her and leaned in.

“That’s so hot.”

Lexa hummed into their kiss. “What is?”

“You, being so forward.” Her hands roamed further underneath Lexa’s shirt and loved it when she didn’t have to tug at her bra or feel around for the clasp. She lightly massaged soft skin, right around her ribs, and felt Lexa shudder underneath her. “And demanding.”

Lexa chuckled and let their lips meet once more. Clarke was beginning to tug at Lexa’s shirt, asking her (or maybe not) to take it off. “Bedroom? I don’t want to ruin my favorite couch.”

Clarke raised an eyebrow. Lexa’s hands began to roam underneath her shirt, too. “ _ Your _ favorite couch?”

“I’m pretty sure I’ve racked up more hours on this couch than you and Octavia.”

Clarke hummed in thought. “...You may have a point.”

“No objections. You know I’m right.”

Clarke chuckled. “You’re starting to dip into your lawyer mode.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Lexa replied before lifting her hips a bit, making Clarke let out a small moan. “Bedroom,” she demanded. “Now.” Clarke laughed and held onto Lexa’s hand as they walked to Clarke’s room.

… 

Lexa woke up the next day with a small fever and a runny nose. She apologized profusely for ruining their ‘vacation’, and Clarke broke out into a grin as she handed her girlfriend some medicine and a cup of water.

She tucked strands of brown hair behind Lexa’s ear and rested the back of her hand on her forehead, making sure the fever wasn’t getting any higher.

“Don’t worry about it, Lexa.”

Lexa insisted on going home to sleep off her cold, but Clarke told her to stay. It was raining on and off, and she didn’t want Lexa to get any sicker.

Clarke made soup that day, making sure to push Lexa to eat something. The rest of the day they spent on the couch. Clarke realized that while she’s seen Lexa sick plenty of times, none of those times were when they were dating, so it surprised her to see Lexa become incredibly clingy.

Lexa made an effort to stay around the blonde, and also made sure to be within arm's reach. She reached for Clarke in her sleep and curled her fingers around her shirt.

Clarke found it increasingly difficult not to kiss her.

Lexa was super fucking adorable when she was sick.

… 

A few weeks later, Lexa was meeting with another potential law firm, but it was upstate, so she was practically gone for the entire day.

When she came back and opened the door to her apartment, she immediately furrowed her eyebrows in confusion. Roan and Murphy were sitting on the couch. She looked around the entrance to make sure that she was indeed in her own apartment.

“Roan. Murphy. I must admit, it’s weird seeing you two here,” Lexa said.

Roan chuckled and got up to greet his cousin. “Hello, Lexa.” He wrapped his arms around her and hugged her briefly. He grunted and squeezed, and Lexa pushed at him.

“Nice to see you, too,” she replied flatly, feeling large arms unravel from her shoulders.

Murphy got up and smirked. “Don’t worry, I ain’t hugging you.”

Lexa nodded firmly. “Good.”

Murphy was more of Anya’s friend than Lexa’s, and he also went to the same college as them. He worked in finance at a small company that was a few subway stops away. Anya knew Lexa wasn’t the friendliest with him.

Murphy was Finn’s best friend in college. As far as they know, Murphy still talks to Finn, but he doesn’t dare mention it.

Coincidentally, Murphy and Roan work together, but Murphy didn’t realize Roan was Anya and Lexa’s cousin until a year ago.

“Oh good, you’re home,” Anya said, walking into the living room. “Roan was dropping off some of Aunt Nia’s peanut brittle.”

“Did she poison it?” Lexa asked with a raised eyebrow. Murphy tried not to laugh.

Roan smirked. “No, trust me. I checked.”

Anya sighed and apologized to Roan. “Sorry. You know how she is when it comes to Aunt Nia.”

Roan nodded. “Understandable. My mother isn’t exactly the best person to be around.”

“She’s homophobic,” Lexa said sternly, as if making a point.

Roan offered a sympathetic smile. Murphy shifted in his spot before saying, “Suddenly, I’m uncomfortable.”

Lexa sighed, knowing she was jumping to conclusions. While her Aunt Nia never said out loud that she didn’t approve of Lexa or Anya’s sexual preferences, she did insinuate that she doesn’t exactly think fondly of it.

“Anyways… thank Nia for us for the peanut brittle,” Lexa said to Roan.

“Of course,” Roan nodded. “How are things with you and Clarke, by the way?”

“Finally,” Murphy murmured under his breath.

“Things are going well.”

“I take it you haven’t told her about Costia yet?” Roan asked with crossed arms.

Lexa’s eyes immediately darted to Anya’s. “You told him!?” 

Anya chuckled. “What? He’s our cousin and he was asking about you.”

Lexa was fuming. “Oh, so that means you’re going to spill about my relationship? What, did you tell him my social security number as well?”

Anya rolled her eyes at her sister’s dramatic show. “Well, he was also on team ‘Clarke and Lexa’, so naturally, I gave him the good news. It just so happened the incident came up,” she replied with a tiny smirk. “I mean, Murphy here already knows the whole story, so…”

Lexa glared at her sister. “Anya,” she practically hissed.

“Look, sis, either you tell Clarke, or I’m going to start telling the whole world about it, and hopefully it’ll push you to actually talk to her. And yes, before you ask, I will totally go upstairs and tell the lady with the five cats. Fuck, I’ll tell the five cats first, and then the older lady.”

Roan tried to hide his smile.

Murphy simply leaned against the back of the couch. “What’s the big deal? You and Costia broke up, because you were in love with Clarke. It’s not like Clarke is going to break up with you for that.”

While Lexa was generally unfriendly towards Murphy, she couldn’t argue with his logic.

Roan shrugged. “Boy has a point.”

“Don’t call me that,” Murphy replied grumpily.

“My biceps are the size of your head. You don’t get to argue,” Roan replied with a smirk.

Murphy rolled his eyes.

Anya stared at Lexa, loving how the internal conflict in her head was damn near telling on her face. “Talk to her.”

Lexa nearly grounded out, “I will.”

“When?”

“When the time is right.”

Anya rolled her eyes and was about to chastise her sister for being stubborn, until the doorbell rang. Roan opened it and Clarke’s face poked out.

“Hey, Roan!” Her face lit up and she immediately hugged the guy.

“Clarke. Good seeing you.” His arms enveloped the blonde.

“You, too!” She looked at the bigger guy. “Paying your cousins a visit?”

“Yes. My mother made a ton of peanut brittle, so please, help yourself.”

Clarke raised her eyebrows in surprise. “Oh. Poisoned?”

He smirked at the familiar question. “No. Lexa already asked.”

“I figured, but, you know, just making sure,” Clarke made her way into the living room. She greeted Murphy with a small hug and then found her girlfriend.

Being close to Lexa and Anya in college also meant meeting their cousin Roan at least once or twice. Clarke and Roan had more in common than they thought, so their status as acquaintances turned into genuine friends. They even went to an art gallery together in Manhattan. Lexa was also honest about Roan’s mother, their aunt.

Murphy was a different story. Clarke knew Murphy as Finn’s best friend in college, but after the whole thing with Finn, she found out that Murphy would go out of his way to stop by and check on her. She found it sweet, even though the gesture didn’t change Lexa’s opinion about him. Regardless of his friendship with Finn, Clarke considered him a friend.

“Hey,” Clarke greeted her girlfriend with a smile. She could tell something was off. Maybe it was the way Lexa was half-smiling at her, or maybe it was the sudden change in the atmosphere in the room. “You okay?”

Lexa nodded and pressed a kiss to the blonde’s cheek. “Yeah.”

Anya gave Clarke a brief hug before turning to the two guys. “We’re going out for drinks, so feel free to have sex or whatever.” Murphy made a face while Roan acted like he didn’t hear anything. “See ya!” She said and promptly closed the door.

Clarke took hold of Lexa’s hands. “How was the interview?”

“It was okay,” Lexa replied simply. “How was your shift at the hospital?”

“Busy,” she replied with a sigh. “But, I’m glad it’s over. I’ve missed you.”

Lexa’s smile widened. “I missed you, too.”

“You up for grabbing dinner?”

Lexa nodded. “Let me just go change.”

“Okay.”

While Lexa pulled off her sweater and then her blouse, her thoughts drifted to Clarke. Yes, she should’ve talked to her right then and there. She should march back into the living room and sit down with her girlfriend, and tell her all about  _ that _ night.

She was pulled out of her thoughts when arms wrapped around her naked waist.

“Whatcha thinking about?” Clarke asked lovingly. Her lips pressed against the brunette’s bare shoulder.

“Well, I was thinking about the interview,” she lied. “But, now it’s starting to shift.”

“Really? Anyone in particular?”

“Always you,” Lexa replied, feeling lips press against her shoulder blade and then her spine. She shuddered at the feeling and turned around to ease Clarke onto her bed. She filled the space between her girlfriend’s legs with her own and kissed her soundly. “I thought we were going to get dinner.”

Clarke let out a raspy chuckle. “Maybe I want dessert first.”

Lexa smiled warmly and began to tug at Clarke’s jeans. As their lips met again, softly and assuredly, the thought of  _ the talk _ disappeared into the abyss.

… 

“Anya!” Lexa yelled loudly as she walked into her apartment.

“What?” Anya asked, poking her head from the threshold to her room. “And must you always yell when you call for me?”

Lexa was absolutely furious. “You told Niylah!?” She nearly screamed. It was more like a very loud shout.

Niylah was one of the bartenders that worked at the bar they all frequented. Niylah was also Clarke’s ex. Their relationship was brief, due to them both deciding that they were better as friends than as girlfriends.

Lexa had a very hard time holding her anger in when she ran into Niylah on the subway and was promptly asked about her past relationship that somehow involved Clarke.

Anya chuckled. “I didn’t tell her.”

Lexa’s eyes widened. “Then who--” she paused, and then grounded out, “Raven.”

“Bingo.”

“Will you guys stop it?” Lexa yelled again. “I’m more than capable of telling Clarke myself. I don’t need you guys to remind me every single day.”

Anya sighed lovingly and made her way over to her sister. Lexa was not in the mood for her sister’s teasing, so she pushed Anya’s hand away right before she could pat her head.

“We remind you every single day, because if we don’t, you’ll never do it.”

Lexa smacked her hand away again. “Don’t you think I’ve tried?”

“No.”

“Well, I have,” Lexa replied angrily. “I’ve tried so many times, and the one time I tried to actually say it, she was busy with her recertification exams and we all know how that went.” She crossed her arms over her chest. “Talking to her is harder than you guys think.”

“But, you’ve talked to her all the time… about everything, even before you guys started dating.”

Lexa sighed as a wave of depression washed over her. “Yes, but… this isn’t just about schoolwork or small talk about restaurants in the town over or cute little animals.” She paused to look at her sister to make sure she was listening. “This is about me and Clarke, and how fucking in love I was with her while I was dating someone I also loved. This is about me breaking Costia’s heart and asking her not to tell Clarke the truth, even though I know it hurt Costia a great deal to even look at Clarke.”

She could feel the tremble in her bottom lip. “I loved Costia a lot.” She repeated, but quieter. “I loved her.” She sighed to regain her composure. “But, I also loved Clarke, and so much more than I thought.”

Anya’s frown was now prominent. She wrapped her arms around her sister and pulled her close, feeling the smaller one hug her back. “Clarke deserves to know, and since she’s still talking to Costia, don’t you think she also deserves the same respect?”

Lexa closed her eyes in an effort to shut out the truth, because Anya was right. After all these years, Costia still talked to Clarke and  _ still  _ kept her promise.

And Costia didn’t deserve that.

Lexa pulled away and nodded stiffly. “You’re right.”

Anya tried to comfort her little sister by rubbing her arms. “The outcome will still be the same. You and Clarke will still be dating. She’ll just know a few extra details from college.” She paused. Her tone turned cold. “And if Clarke breaks up with you, tell me. I’ll put her in her place.”

Lexa smiled warmly. “Thanks, Ahn.”

“Anything for my dumb, hopeless little sister, who thinks she’s so knowledgeable about relationships.”

“Says you,” Lexa retorted. It was an obvious poke at her sister’s past relationship with Raven.

Anya let out a throaty chuckle and let it slide.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa finally tells Clarke the reason for her and Costia's break-up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All mistakes are mine.
> 
> Happy New Year everyone!  
> Hope this year is better than the last!

**Lexa Woods:** Hey, are you home?

**Clarke Griffin:** Got home from work an hour ago.

**Lexa Woods:** Do you mind if I come over?

**Clarke Griffin:** No. And you don’t have to ask, Lex. You’re welcome over any time.

**Lexa Woods:** I know you like your alone time though.

**Clarke Griffin:** I also like _you_ -time ;)

Lexa smiled to herself and ignored the warmth that blossomed in her chest.

… 

Clarke greeted Lexa with a soft kiss.

“Hey, you,” Clarke murmured.

Lexa kissed the blonde’s temple. “Hi, Clarke.” She felt the tightness in her chest. Her reason for coming over thumped loudly in her ears. As much as she wanted to hold Clarke and spend time with her, she couldn’t bring herself to delay the inevitable any further.

Clarke pressed a kiss right beneath the brunette’s jawline.

Lexa hugged her. “I came over to talk to you about something.”

Clarke hummed questionably. “What about?” She pulled away and narrowed her eyes. “Should I be worried? Did you kill someone? If you did, I mean… I won’t tell anyone. Unless you need to hide the body - I don’t think I can do that. Octavia might, though.”

Lexa broke out into a small smile. “No, Clarke, I didn’t kill someone.” She led Clarke to her own bedroom and gestured for her to sit on the bed.

Clarke was now worried. “Everything okay?”

Lexa nodded. She sat down on the bed in front of Clarke and faced her. It took her a while to find the courage to start. “Something happened a while back… something I should’ve told you a long time ago.”

Clarke raised an eyebrow. “Okay…” she drew out longingly, showing her attentive curiosity.

Lexa’s green eyes locked with Clarke’s blue ones.

The blue softened and Lexa could feel a pang in her chest as her next words played on her tongue.

“It’s about Costia.”

Clarke could’ve sworn her heart stopped; her brows furrowed, and then her expression turned visibly upset. “Shit. Who told you-- I swear if it was Octavia--”

Lexa shook her head. “Raven told Anya, and Anya told me. You have every right to talk to her, Clarke. I’m not going to be mad about that.” A sympathetic expression flashed across Clarke’s face.

“I should’ve told you.”

Lexa shook her head. “You were doing it out of respect, but that’s not what I wanted to talk about.”

Clarke pushed those guilty thoughts to the side as Lexa’s gaze softened.

“Third year of college. Valentine’s Day.” She held her breath and focused on the spot between her and Clarke. “You caught Finn cheating on you a couple of days prior. Costia wasn’t the one that stopped you from drinking that night.” Her eyes locked with Clarke’s. “I did.”

Clarke’s face scrunched up in confusion. “What? What do you mean by that?”

Clarke remembered that night - well, she remembered most of it.

She remembered feeling like shit. She remembered hating all of the couples that came out of the woodwork seemingly with the intent of making her feel like absolute shit.

She remembered not giving any fucks and grabbing the bottle of Absinthe she kept hidden. She remembered hearing Costia rush in to grab her things to take a quick shower. And then she remembered skipping the shot glasses and simply drinking straight from the bottle.

After that, she woke up the next morning, in her own bed and underneath the covers. Costia was wide awake and nose deep in a textbook by that time.

“But… Costia told me she’s the one that helped me into my bed,” Clarke replied, puzzled.

Lexa shook her head. “I asked her to tell you that.”

Clarke was now really and utterly confused. “What? Why?”

“Because Costia and I broke up that night,” Lexa replied.

Clarke remembered _that_. Costia and Lexa didn’t tell everyone about their break up until a week later, and even then, they never talked about it. They vaguely replied to questions, saying they had a fight and decided to end things.

They were still very amicable since they were all in the same friend group, and Lexa and Costia still hung out with everyone, but neither one of them said anything beyond that.

Clarke confusedly asked, “You two… broke up that night?” They broke up on Valentine’s Day, she realized. “Is that when you had your fight?”

Lexa shook her head. “We never had a fight.” She could tell Clarke had more questions, so she continued. “When Costia texted me she had gotten out of class, I made the decision to walk over to your guys’ dorm room to wait for her. I thought it was a good idea, too, since I wanted to make sure you were okay.” Clarke knew she was talking about her break up with Finn. “When I opened your door, Costia wasn’t there, but you were. I assumed Costia was in the bathroom getting ready.”

Lexa swallowed harshly. “You were drunk. More than drunk, actually. You were on the floor, back against the dresser, crying and drinking out of a bottle of Absinthe. You barely acknowledged me when I approached you.”

>>>>

_“I fucking hate myself,” Clarke said with a short laugh. “Of all people… Of course he’d cheat on me.”_

_Lexa stared at Clarke solemnly and at a loss for words. She hated seeing Clarke like that: broken, empty, and seemingly without any life in her eyes._

_At times of crisis, Clarke was usually the one amongst their friends to be the shoulder to cry on. She was there with words of wisdom, and she was so good at being comforting. She was there with a tub of ice cream to make the pain go away, even if no words are spoken._

_Lexa’s heart nearly shattered in her chest._

_“Clarke,” she called out softly._

_Clarke’s eyes fell on hers and then looked away. A tear fell down her cheek as she brought her arm up to drink from the bottle, but a hand took it out of hers._

_Lexa kept the bottle out of reach. “Clarke, stop. You need to stop drinking.”_

_“Give me that,” Clarke said, lunging forward, but too drunk to actually move._

_Lexa put her hand on Clarke’s shoulder and pulled her other hand, which carried the bottle, behind her._

_“Stop-- let go of me!” Clarke grounded out, grabbing Lexa’s wrist that held her shoulder, but, again, she was too drunk to actually do something. “Please… just let me…” She stiffened. “Let me get rid of the pain.”_

_Lexa’s heart finally broke. Her brows furrowed as Clarke, the strongest person she knew, was now a somewhat lifeless mess, all because of a boy that didn’t care to love her the way she should be loved._

_Lexa tossed her purse and then put the bottle somewhere far from Clarke’s grasp. Clarke had no strength to get up. It was like she was glued to the spot on the ground where she sat._

_Lexa sat down next to her and wrapped her arm around the blonde. Without a word, Clarke broke down. Her head fell onto the brunette’s shoulder, and she cried in continuous sobs._

_“He fucking cheated on me,” she said between tears._

_Lexa’s face contorted in anger and sadness. She lifted her arm and wrapped it around Clarke, pulling her into her arms. “Shhh,” she murmured, hoping it would calm her down._

_Clarke let her. She didn’t push, she didn’t pull. She didn’t move._

_“I gave my heart to him. I trusted him, and he broke it anyway. I loved him and I thought he loved me, too.” More sobs. “Fuck, I’m so stupid.”_

_“You’re not stupid, Clarke.”_

_Clarke laughed. “I’m stupid for a lot of reasons, Lexa.” There was a pause. “I’m stupid for letting you go.” Lexa’s eyes widened. “I’m stupid for falling for a guy with_ ** _that_** _kind of hair.” She let out a small laugh. “I’m stupid for thinking I could have a happily ever after.” She broke down into a couple more sobs. “I just want it to stop… I don’t want to feel like this anymore.”_

_Lexa felt tears well in her eyes._

_“I hate myself.” A sob. “What’s wrong with me?” Another sob. “Why am I not good enough?”_

_Tears fell down Lexa’s cheeks. “You’re more than enough, Clarke. There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re perfect as you are.”_

_“Then why did he cheat on me?”_

_“He’s a fucking idiot,” Lexa swore._

_Heartbreak wasn’t something that was easily mended with words of encouragement or endearment. Heartbreak was something you learned to understand and envelope; it was something you learned to live with and only time could lessen the pain until it dissolved altogether._

_While Lexa’s words probably didn’t do much, especially since Clarke was too drunk to be coherent, she said it anyway, because Clarke needed to know how perfect she really was._

_Maybe that’s why she felt like, at that moment, there were going to be no repercussions. She could do, or say anything she wanted, because Clarke probably wouldn’t remember anyway._

_Lexa looked at the bottle that was half gone. Absinthe was powerful and it was a surefire way of making someone drunk as fuck, especially with the amount she seemingly downed._

_“C’mon, let's get you into bed. I know how tired you get when you’re drunk,” Lexa said, pulling Clarke up and catching her when she tilted forward. As she steadied the blonde with one arm, she used her other to pull back the covers on her bed. She helped Clarke get into bed and tried to pull the covers over her, but Clarke’s hand shot out and grasped Lexa’s sleeve of her sweater._

_Lexa felt her throat swell. Clarke didn’t need to say anything, because Lexa already knew._

_Lexa joined Clarke underneath the covers, but not entirely. She leaned her back against the headboard and let Clarke rest her head in her lap. Lexa’s hand fell to the blonde’s head and tried to comfort her with small strokes in her hair. Her other hand fell onto Clarke’s arm, trailing fingers up and down._

_No repercussions, right?_

_“You’re perfect, Clarke.” Lexa smiled down at the broken blonde on her lap. “You’re incredibly beautiful and know exactly what to say to cheer someone up.” She thought of all the times she wanted to kiss Clarke; the times when she felt like it was only her and Clarke in the room. “I love you. I’ve fallen in love with you ever since I’ve met you. I love how you tried to cook everyone banana bread and forgot to put the bananas in. I love how you get red when you’re angry, and how you hate writing essays, even though you write fanfiction in your spare time. I love the way your lips curl when someone says something perverted. And I love it when you smile.”_

_She looked down at Clarke and pressed a light kiss to the top of her head. “I love you, Clarke. Finn is a dumbass for cheating on you. He’s an idiot and he never deserved you. You’re gorgeous and beautiful, and I’m sorry I was too much of a coward to kiss you that night at the party. I’m so sorry, Clarke.”_

_She hadn’t felt Clarke move since she started talking, so she looked over and saw that Clarke was out like a light._

_She smiled to herself and kissed the blonde’s head once more before climbing out of the bed and pulling the covers over._

_When her head turned to look for the bottle of Absinthe, she saw a pair of heels at the door. She looked up, following them, and found Costia’s shocked gaze. Murphy was behind her, a distance away, but still behind her. He, no doubt, was probably stopping by to see how Clarke was doing. His eyes were wide and his gaze was curious, which meant he heard just as much as Costia._

>>>>

Clarke’s eyes widened at Lexa.

Lexa nodded slightly. “Costia and I agreed to break up thereafter. While she was heartbroken to walk into something like that, she understood why we couldn’t be together anymore. Costia would never trust me ever again. The things I said to you, the things you don’t remember - Costia never knew before. She didn’t know about our near kiss, and she didn’t know I was in love with you. She also didn’t deserve to go through the pain of wondering when, or if, I’d ever tell you for real.”

Clarke didn’t know what to think. All those years, she thought Costia and Lexa had a big fight. It all made sense now, because even though they were broken up, they still hung out with their group of friends, together or apart. They acted as if their fight wasn’t some big thing that happened. She and Costia didn’t hate each other; they didn’t fall out of love or have a big break up fight. They stopped dating, because of _her_.

Clarke felt a tug at her heart. “Lexa--”

“I asked Costia to never tell you,” Lexa interjected. “And she respected my wishes. I didn’t think you would still keep in touch with her though. At first, I thought she would’ve told you already, but when I talked to Octavia... that’s when I knew she was still keeping her promise. And knowing that she still talked to you despite what happened made me feel like she deserved a lot more than that, which is why I felt guilty for not telling you sooner.”

Lexa’s green eyes, soft and a little shade lighter with blown pupils, held onto Clarke’s saddened gaze. “I love you, Clarke. I know we’ve only been together for a few months, but I don’t think I ever stopped loving you.” She let out a shaky laugh, hoping that the butterflies in her stomach would stop.

Clarke leaned forward and held Lexa’s face in her hands. Her thumbs ran across her cheekbone, feeling the wetness of the tears that were once there. Lexa closed her eyes as her chest tightened again and then a few more tears fell.

“Lexa…”

Lexa’s hands grasped Clarke’s wrists, and then she leaned into the blonde’s touch. She dipped forward and felt Clarke envelop her into a tight hug. Lexa buried her face in the crook of her neck while Clarke’s chin rested on the top of Lexa’s head.

She rubbed her back in calm and soothing circles, letting the brunette know that everything was going to be okay.

Lexa’s arms wrapped around Clarke, and just like that, she instantly melted in her arms.

Raven and Octavia were around the corner, peering into the bedroom.

“What the fuck?” Octavia gasped in a hush. She looked at Raven, and Raven merely smiled at her two friends. Octavia whacked Raven on the arm and hissed, “You knew, didn’t you!?”

Raven shushed her. “Anya told me.”

“Of course she did.”

“She also told everyone else, even Lincoln.”

“What the fuck!? Really!? Why am I the last person to know?”

“Because we didn’t want you spilling the beans to Clarke.”

“Shitty excuse.”

“C’mon, O. You kind of have a tendency to spill shit in front of Clarke,” Raven replied with a lopsided and apologetic smile.

Octavia’s angrily huffed, “D-Do not.” She kind of did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you for taking the time to read this story, and thanks for all the kudos and comments.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke convinces Lexa to have lunch with Costia, hoping it would give the two brunettes some much needed closure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All mistakes are mine.

Lexa’s brows furrowed at the news as she pulled her lips from her mug of tea. The corners of her mouth were tugged sideways and she stared at Clarke as if the woman had grown three heads. 

“What?” She paused to see if the blonde would respond, but she didn’t. “Are you sure you want me to go with you?”

Her worried tone told Clarke as much.

“I think it’ll be good to see her again,” she replied.

Lexa felt uneasy about the whole situation. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to go. She just wasn’t sure that Costia would want to see her, and she didn’t want to ruin her and Clarke’s lunch outing. “We’re exes, Clarke. I don’t think it’s ever a good idea to see your ex again, planned or not,” she replied worriedly.

Clarke kissed Lexa’s cheek, hoping the deepened frown the brunette was wearing would disappear, but it didn’t. “She asks about you, you know?”

“Really?” Lexa was somewhat shocked to hear that, because she thought Costia would’ve forgotten about a woman that broke her heart.

Clarke nodded. “She asks how you’re doing and what you’re up to sometimes.”

“And what do you tell her?”

“That you’re going to be a successful big-shot lawyer in New York City.”

Lexa hummed at the thought. “Stroke my ego, why don’t you?”

Clarke leaned in close and replied huskily, “There are many things I want to stroke, Babe.”

Lexa nearly spat out the tea she was sipping on.

Clarke loved teasing Lexa and making her blush; she realized her husky and dark tone combined with sexual innuendo was always a surefire way to make the brunette’s ears burn.

After a couple of coughs, Lexa began again, “I’m curious… since we’ve started dating, have you really never told her about us?”

Clarke shook her head. “I know you’re a sore subject for her, so I didn’t think it was my place to disclose that information. If she found out by other means, I figured she would’ve brought it up. Otherwise, we just talk about what’s been going on in our lives and such.”

Lexa hummed at the response and nodded once. “Oh.” The thought crossed her mind multiple times: talking to Costia again. Costia had every right to stop talking to her for whatever reason. After college, they had no excuse to hang out with each other, and that’s when their communication slowed to a stop.

There was a pause and the air that lingered between them grew heavy. Lexa had conjured many questions in the last four or five years since she and Costia stopped dating. She gave Costia as much space as she could, so she never knew if it was okay to ask her general everyday life questions.

“Does she hate me?”

Clarke was surprised Lexa asked that particular question, but then again, she wasn’t sure how she and Costia left things before they all graduated.

“If I’m being honest, no, I don’t think she does.” She walked over to Lexa, who was sitting on the couch and stood behind her. She let her arms dangle over her shoulders and clasp together right below her chin. She pressed a small kiss to the area behind Lexa’s ear and lingered for a moment.

“I wouldn’t blame her if she does,” Lexa mumbled sadly.

“It’s been five years, Lex. Costia was never one to hold a grudge. Trust me, I was her roommate and I seemed to love taking her snacks in the middle of the night.”

Lexa broke out into a smile as the scene played in her head. “Fine, I’ll go.”

“Good, because I already told her you would.”

Lexa furrowed her eyebrows and leaned her head back to look up at her girlfriend. “You knew I would.”

Clarke nodded and quickly kissed her. “You have a tendency to say ‘yes’ to me.”

“Do not,” Lexa scowled, sarcastically, of course.

“Yes, you do,” Anya said, finally announcing her presence as she came out of her room. “Hello, Clarke.”

“Hi, Anya,” Clarke replied. “How’s Raven?”

Anya smirked. “She’s good. She took me to that Japanese restaurant the other night, the one that Niylah recommended. I have to say, it was really good. I was impressed.”

Lexa’s ears perked up. “Wait, what?”

“What?” Anya asked flatly.

Lexa’s eyes darted from Clarke to her sister. “You’re back together with Raven?” Clarke and Anya tried not to laugh as the crease between Lexa’s eyebrows became more prominent. “When did this happen?”

“While you were busy moping over Clarke,” Anya answered as she walked into the kitchen to grab a drink from the fridge. “I’m surprised you didn’t notice. She’s only been over a handful of times when you’ve come home.”

Lexa’s nose scrunched up as she frowned. “I thought she was over for different reasons.”

Clarke finally let out a small laugh, and then she pressed her lips to the brunette’s temple. “You’re so cute when you’re angry.”

“I’m not angry,” she huffed. “I’m upset.” She paused and felt lips against the top of her head. “Please don’t tell me you guys had a celebration without me.”

Clarke chuckled, “Never.”

Anya groaned inwardly at the idea. “Please don’t. I’d rather have a celebration about you two than about Raven and myself. You know what, on second thought, let's save the celebration for when you two get married, yeah?” And with that, she walked back to her room.

Clarke patted Lexa’s back with concern as Lexa was now effectively choking on her cup of tea.

… 

The next week, Clarke and Lexa took the subway to one of the best french onion soup places in the entire city. It was Costia’s pick.

When they arrived, Costia was already there, and Lexa noticed immediately how good she looked. She looked refreshed and renewed, and she was all smiles. Her brown curly hair was pulled back into a bun, her lips were glossy pink, and light brown skin was smooth and perfect. One thing that didn’t change was the bracelet on Costia’s left wrist; it was still black and braided, and with white plastic ends. Costia had said it was a gift from her little brother before she went away to college.

She greeted Clarke with a tight hug, but once she looked at Lexa, she simply nodded. Lexa knew how weird it must’ve been, but with all the emotions she’s been holding about her ex, she decided to pull Costia in for a hug and Costia gladly accepted it.

Costia and Clarke were the ones that spoke the most. They talked about what’s happened since the last time they chatted. Lexa was surprised to hear that Costia had gotten her MBA. She always thought Costia wanted to use her fluency in Spanish to live abroad and teach English to children.

Lexa learned that Costia worked in New Jersey as a sales manager and product owner at a relatively known company.

Clarke excused herself a few minutes later to use the restroom, giving her and Costia time to talk amongst themselves. Lexa felt something swim in the pit of her stomach; she was scared and she didn’t know why. Maybe it was the combination of Costia and the sheer unknown, because it felt like she didn’t know her anymore. Five years was a large gap to fill.

Lexa’s eyes briefly studied Costia, but when she realized Costia was studying her as well, she shyly forced herself to look away.

Costia was the first to speak. Her voice was as calm and smooth as Lexa remembered. “You look really good, Lexa.”

When Lexa’s gaze met hers, she could see the sparkle in her eyes. She didn’t see a speck of uneasiness or regret. She honestly looked like she was happy.

Lexa’s lips curled into a genuine smile. “You, too, Cos.” She then frowned at the thought of missing all the good news about her accomplishments, the ones that she told Clarke about. “I’m sorry I didn’t keep in touch with you… And I’m sorry for making you keep my promise for far too long. I honestly… I… I didn’t think you and Clarke would still talk to each other. I know how hard it must’ve been to--”

Costia raised her hand. “Stop.”

Lexa’s eyes widened; she was caught off guard by the gesture. She watched Costia let out a heavy sigh.

Costia continued with a small frown, “I will admit, it was hard getting over you… and also trying to be Clarke’s friend. There were times when I thought I’d never get over you, but someone helped me through it.”

Lexa raised an eyebrow, puzzled. And then it dawned on her. “Clarke helped you.”

Costia smiled and nodded. “She did. It was weird being helped by the woman your ex left you for, well… not literally, but… you know.” She shrugged. Her fingers played with the condensation on her cup of ice water as her mind focused on various memories. “Clarke checked up on me, even after college. There were times when we’d go out for dinner, just the two of us, so she could see how I was really feeling. Clarke didn’t know about that night and I wasn’t so sure if she shared the same feelings, yet she still went out of her way to take care of me.” Costia let out a small laugh. “Sometimes I’d be crying for no reason and she was the first one by my side asking if I wanted to go out for ice cream.”

Lexa’s eyes widened. She had no idea.

“Do you hate me for what I did?” she boldly asked. “For how I made you feel?”

Costia’s expression softened almost immediately. She shook her head. “No, I don’t, Lexa. It would’ve been easier to, but… I don’t think I could ever hate you. It would’ve been easier to hate Clarke, too, but, the things she did for me… she ended up becoming one of my really good friends.” A smile played on her lips. “I like to think things happened for a reason.” She took in Lexa’s worried expression and tried to lighten the mood with a pleasant grin. “I like to think Clarke helped us both, in one way or another.”

Lexa understood what Costia meant. Clarke had been there for her many times and it didn’t matter what it was about; anything at all, simple or complex, she was there for you.

“I don’t have any regrets, Lexa,” Costia spoke with a calm and sincere tone and a gentle smile. Her brown-eyed gaze held Lexa’s green one. “Good or bad, I don’t think of our time together as something I wish had never happened. I think it was a much needed stepping stone in my life. I hope you don’t have any regrets as well.”

Lexa’s gaze softened when she saw Clarke come around the corner and her lips parted ever so slightly at the blonde-haired beauty.

She replied to Costia in a hushed voice, “I don’t.” Her answer, combined with Clarke’s well-timed arrival, made Costia grin with happiness.

“Oh good, you both are still alive,” Clarke sarcastically commented with a small chuckle as she sat back down next to Lexa.

Lexa briefly looked down at her lap and offered Clarke her napkin back.

Costia’s grin widened as her eyes followed the couple’s gazes that were focused on each other. With her overdue conversation with Lexa out of the way and the after-effects of closure blossoming in her chest, she decided to ask the question she’d been dying to ask since they sat down.

“So, tell me, when did it happen?” Costia suddenly asked. She leaned forward, elbow on the table with her hand propping her head up by her chin. She looked at them intently and with a wide grin. “And don’t give me the normal bullshit that it just  _ happened _ . Oh, and who caved first?”

Costia laughed as Clarke began to blush. She saw Lexa’s puzzled expression and had to elaborate. “Clarke subtly asked for my blessing.”

Clarke nearly choked on her water and quickly covered her mouth with her napkin. (People have got to stop doing that when someone is drinking).

“Okay, do you really have to say it like that?” Clarke asked in embarrassment.

Lexa was even more confused.

“Clarke said things were getting pretty close between you two. She said she wanted to ask you on a date, but not without asking for permission,” Costia explained with a Cheshire grin. “She asked me if it was okay, and seriously, Clarke, you had to ask?”

Clarke rolled her eyes. “I was just trying to be respectful.”

Costia huffed, “Respectful? It's been five years. And yet you still didn’t tell me when it happened?”

Clarke looked at her flatly. “I didn’t want to shove it in your face. I was trying to think of a way to ease it into a conversation. Besides, we were too busy gushing over your new job the last time.”

Costia hummed in acknowledgement. “True.” She paused. “So, today is all about you two ladies. Either you guys tell me the good shit, or I start spilling embarrassing things about the both of you.”

Lexa raised an eyebrow. “Embarrassing things?”

Costia challenged her with a raised eyebrow of her own. “First year of college. You moped about some chick at the party whose lips you could dream about and whose hair smelled like peppermint on a Christmas day. Your words. Not mine.”

Lexa’s eyes widened and blush crept across her cheeks.

Costia finished, “Took me a while to realize you were totally talking about Clarke, because I nearly suffocated on that peppermint perfume when she was putting it on in our dorm room.”

Clarke broke out into laughter and Lexa nudged her in the ribs to make her stop. “It’s not funny, Clarke,” she grounded out.

“Sorry - I’m sorry,” Clarke replied through small sputters.

“And let's not forget how many times I caught you staring at Lexa’s lips when she wasn’t looking,” Costia said, looking at Clarke.

Clarke stared at Costia in disbelief. “What? When?”

“You’re lucky Lexa here is too oblivious to notice.”

Lexa’s nose scrunched. “Hey!”

Costia chuckled. “You kind of are.” She turned back to Clarke, absolutely loving how much shit she could spew about the couple. “The party at Monty and Jasper’s? Totally checking out Lexa’s ass in  _ those _ jeans.” Clarke blushed, unable to look at Lexa. “The time we were all at TGIF? Absolutely mesmerized by Lexa’s cleavage.” Clarke’s cheeks turned redder. “And the time we were all drunk in the back of the limo we rented for Anya’s Birthday? Lexa sat on your lap and you practically had to hold her down to prevent her from swaying too much. The tips of your ears and your neck was so red.”

“Okay!” Clarke nearly shouted through her teeth. “I get it.”

Lexa hid her smile behind the back of her hand. “I didn’t know you were looking at my boobs. I thought you were  _ really _ trying to decide what to order.”

Clarke refused to look at Lexa, but she felt a comforting hand land on her thigh. She was grateful for the gesture and eventually wore a smile.

Costia wore a curious expression. She leaned forward in earnest and asked, “Seriously though, when did it happen?”

“After we opened my Bar Exam results letter,” Lexa replied.

Costia tried not to laugh. It sounded like a very ‘Lexa’ thing to do. “Romantic. Who caved?”

“I did,” Lexa replied, again.

Costia’s smile widened. “Good thing you did. I was worried Clarke wouldn’t have been able to, well, at least sometime in this century.”

Clarke glared at Costia. “Hey, I was  _ planning  _ for it.”

Lexa curiously looked over at Clarke. “You were?”

Clarke nodded. “I was going to ask if you wanted to catch one of the outdoor movies at the park and then I would’ve taken us out for ice cream.”

Lexa’s eyes lit up. A small smile graced her lips as the blonde continued.

“And then I would’ve taken you to the gigantic candle store near the times square. I know how much you love going to that place.”

Costia laughed as many memories of the times she’s accompanied Lexa to various candle stores flooded her mind. “That would’ve definitely sealed the deal.”

Lexa agreed with a nod, lifting her cup of water to her lips.

Costia then asked, “So, how was the first time having sex?”

Lexa and Clarke both choked and sputtered on their drinks.

“Why do we have to tell you?” Lexa defensively replied through small coughs in her napkin.

Costia shrugged. “I’ve been waiting for this shit to happen for years! Sue me if I’m the least bit curious.” She paused when she realized what she just said. “Well, don’t do that, now that you’re a big-shot lawyer.”

Lexa couldn’t help smile at her comment. “Big-shot? No. I’m only on my second case. I’m a tadpole in a body of sharks.”

Clarke hummed in disagreement. “Not what I heard from your conclusion to your first case.”

Lexa casually and humbly shrugged.

Costia grew impatient. “Okay, c’mon. I’m getting older every second. So, tell me, was it fast and explosive, or slow and romantic?”

Clarke and Lexa’s eyes met and then their expressions fell a bit; they looked both embarrassed and shy about the subject. Costia briefly wondered if they revealed their feelings about their first time together to each other.

Costia watched them intently, waiting for one of them to reply, but they both ended up stuttering and muttering their responses.

… 

“Slow, romantic, explosive, and really, really - LIKE REALLY - really, good,” Raven exclaimed, reciting Costia’s text from her phone with excitement. She leaned back into the couch and brought her hand up behind her as Clarke passed her. “Woo! High five me, Griffin!”

Clarke shot her a glare as she left the brunette hanging. “You guys never told me you still talked to Costia... and why the fuck are you guys talking about Lexa’s sex life?”

Octavia snorted. “It’s  _ your _ sex life, too, you know?”

Clarke rolled her eyes at her best friends.

“So, mind giving me the shorthanded version of what happened?” Octavia excitedly asked. “Raven and Anya were shit at explaining it.”

“Shorthanded version of what?” Clarke asked with a raised eyebrow.

“What happened between you and Lexa and Costia?” Octavia elaborated. “So far, all I got was: shit happened between you and Lexa, then Lexa and Costia got together, and then shit happened between you and Lexa, again, which caused shit to happen between Lexa and Costia. And then fast forward, like, five years-ish, and now shit happened between you and Lexa, but, y’know, positive shit. But, then shit that happened previously between Lexa and Costia was dug up, which caused Lexa to come clean about said shit. And then you two talked to Costia to clear shit up.”

Raven nodded along. “Couldn’t have said it better myself,” she deadpanned.

Clarke couldn’t help break out into a smile. “Bingo. Right on the money, O.”

Octavia huffed, “Seriously, Griffin. Just tell me the stuff I need to know. The whole thing is giving me a headache.”

Raven was now sitting on the back of the couch, right next to O and in front of Clarke, who was leaning against the doorway to the kitchen. “I’d also like to know what that ‘near kiss’ was about.”

Clarke sighed and shrugged. She didn’t want it to sound like it was a big deal, because it wasn’t. She made peace with what happened in the past. “We almost kissed during our first year of college. What’s there to elaborate on?”

“Uh, like how it happened?” Octavia replied with an obvious tone.

“Well, if you two hadn’t run off to go flirt and play beer pong, you would’ve been there,” Clarke replied. Raven and Octavia shot her a look. “Okay, fine. We were drinking, and everyone was dancing to the music. Also, Monty’s house was packed to the brim, so it was fairly close quarters, in a manner of speaking.” Raven and Octavia nodded along. 

“Lexa only met Monty and Jasper once, and we knew them from High School, so I was okay, but Lexa was kind of shyly off to the side. So, I joined her to make her feel more comfortable, gave her a drink, and we talked a bit and danced. Not the sexy dancing, but the, you know, friendly kind of dancing. Some doofus shouting obscenities about some beer pong player cheating knocked into us rather forcefully on his way out.”

Octavia leaned to Raven and whispered, “Beer pong cheater?”

Raven waved her off. “Never tell her that was me.”

Clarke continued, “Next thing I know, I’m pressed up against Lexa. It was hot so we weren’t wearing jackets or anything, just shirts. And her arm was around me, trying to steady my footing, and my free hand was against the wall behind her. When I looked up, I meant to apologize, but my eyes couldn’t stop staring at her lips. I nearly made the move until some jerkwad decided to call my name from the backyard.”

Octavia leaned to Raven, again. “Wasn’t that my brother?” Raven nodded and pressed her lips together, trying not to laugh.

Octavia gave Clarke a puzzled look. “You guys didn’t talk about it afterwards?”

Clarke shook her head. “Never got the chance to.”

“That’s bullshit,” Raven replied quickly. “There were multiple chances.”

Clarke clarified, “Okay, then. Let me rephrase that. There were no chances for me to  _ not _ act like a complete idiot in front of my crush and ask  _ said crush _ about a kiss that may or may not have all been in my head. I didn’t even know if she was  _ looking _ at me the same way, so…”

“So, when Lexa and Costia got together, you just let it happen?” Octavia asked.

Clarke nodded. “It’s not like I claimed her or anything. Hell, I didn’t even tell anyone, not even Cos, about that ‘near kiss’, so...”

Raven smirked. “Guess the universe has a funny way of pushing two people together, huh?”

Clarke chuckled. “Sure, I guess, if that’s what you want to call it.”

The front door swung open and, with a shout, Anya announced her presence.

“Applaud me, peasants! I’m here!” Her unashamed and proud smile was on full display.

Octavia and Clarke both rolled their eyes, while Raven entertained her girlfriend’s idea by slowly clapping.

Lexa pushed her sister through the door with an audible grunt. “Would you hurry up? It’s cold out here.”

Anya continued flatly, “Oh, and Lexa is here, too.”

Lexa rolled her eyes at her sister as she approached her girlfriend.

“Hey,” Clarke softly greeted her. A wide grin was plastered all over her face. It was common to see Clarke and Lexa visibly melt whenever they were around each other.

“Hi,” Lexa replied, kissing Clarke’s cheek. She loved the way her girlfriend blushed whenever she did that.

“How was work today?” Clarke asked as Anya, Raven, and Octavia fought over the television remote a few feet away.

Lexa replied with a hum, “Work was okay. There was a lot to do, so the time went by pretty fast.”

“That’s good.”

She followed the blonde into the kitchen. “How was your day off?” The words came out naturally and effortlessly as if they’ve done it for years.

Clarke let out a heavy sigh on purpose. “Boring. I missed my girlfriend.”

Lexa broke out into a smile. “She missed you, too.” She leaned in, tilted her head to the side, and carefully captured the woman’s soft lips. Clarke smiled into the kiss and brought her hand behind Lexa’s neck, further deepening their kiss.

It felt so wonderfully good to kiss her. Their kisses used to be littered with unspoken words that made the guilt in Lexa’s stomach start to simmer, but now, since all of it was out in the open and Costia subtly renewed their friendship, Lexa was able to actually kiss Clarke without any worries or doubts lingering in the back of her mind.

There were no regrets, no ghosting guilt, and no buried lies.

Their kisses and roaming hands were, purely and simply, Clarke and Lexa.

“Hey, you two better not be making out in my kitchen!” Octavia shouted from the living room.

Lexa broke off the kiss and began to blush as if she were caught with her hand in the cookie jar. Clarke shook her head and mumbled curses under her breath.

There was no way she was going to let someone get in the way of showing her girlfriend how much she missed her. So, she cupped Lexa’s cheeks and pressed their lips together once more, feeling their wide smiles meet with every kiss.

THE END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone that read this story, gave kudos, and/or commented.
> 
> I hope everyone is safe and healthy out there.
> 
> <3


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